Chicago Influencer Dad (ft. Tom Phillips, @toomuchtom)

**Transcript is Auto-Generated**

00:00:00:15 - 00:00:26:20
Matthew Krekeler
Welcome to Girl Dad Nation. In this episode, I welcome Tom Phillips. Tom, as a digital creator and influencer from Chicago with three young kids. We recorded this interview back in August 2022, and he talks about being a dad of twins, potty training, and loving his kids always.

00:00:29:17 - 00:00:31:01
Matthew Krekeler
So, Tom, welcome to the show.

00:00:31:17 - 00:00:32:19
Tom Phillips
Hi. How's it going, Matt?

00:00:32:20 - 00:00:36:16
Matthew Krekeler
Thank you. Good. Thank you so much for being here.

00:00:37:06 - 00:00:39:06
Tom Phillips
Yeah, I'm super excited.

00:00:40:00 - 00:01:01:21
Matthew Krekeler
I first saw your profile on Instagram and yeah, you're a digital creator marketer and you post really awesome photos and videos online. Yeah. Why don't you reach out to you? Because, yeah, you have a daughter, but then you also have twins, which I just think is awesome.

00:01:02:03 - 00:01:43:07
Tom Phillips
Yeah, it's great. No, it really is great that I always make jokes about like, oh, having twins is crazy, but I'm just going off on a tangent now. But it's just something I used to now, and I think it was kind of a weird perspective because our neighborhood has a lot of little kids, so every Thursday night they have this get together and my wife was putting the twins down while I was there with my oldest, and I was talking to two of the moms there, like she's putting she's putting the twins down by the end of the night.

00:01:43:16 - 00:02:01:04
Tom Phillips
I mean, it's not that big a deal. You just say hello. You feed them at the same time. You read them a book at the same time, and then you just put them down. Another big name, they're like. That's that just sounds crazy. But, I mean, the yeah, that's the thing. You just you figure it out. Yeah.

00:02:01:14 - 00:02:11:05
Matthew Krekeler
I think that's good parenting advice, like, in general is like, you know, I've joked before on the show that you don't you don't really get like a manual when you leave the hospital.

00:02:11:22 - 00:02:13:04
Tom Phillips
Yeah. Not at all.

00:02:13:21 - 00:02:24:14
Matthew Krekeler
Hopefully stuff like this. Hearing other people's stories, you know, can kind of prepare you a little bit. But. But there's a whole lot that you kind of on the job on the job training, so to speak.

00:02:25:06 - 00:02:45:19
Tom Phillips
Yeah, I I'd say most of everything I've learned has been on the job and other stuff because my wife's a nurse. So I'd say you're the person you can go to all the doctor appointments. They don't need both of us all the time. But with twins, the twins, they they need both.

00:02:45:19 - 00:03:06:15
Matthew Krekeler
So. Yeah. Let's go back to your oldest daughter. She's now, I say. Yeah, two and a half, almost three in a little bit. Yeah. My oldest is a little bit older than three, but yeah. What was that moment like about three years ago? First becoming a dad?

00:03:07:06 - 00:03:35:23
Tom Phillips
It was very surreal. The birth was. It was sure, but there were some complications. So we didn't really get that media like being able to hold her or anything. But yeah, the first moment when they were they had her under the lamp and she just like grabbed my finger. I was like, Oh my God, this is real. This is so cool.

00:03:37:04 - 00:04:00:15
Tom Phillips
I think that was like the first moment that really hit me then. Yeah, I mean, I had always wanted to be a dad and have kids. And then when the moment came, I was just like, the thing that they say that you have that moment where you feel like your life changes. That was on that absolutely dry my finger because I even asked the nurses, I'm like, Can I touch her?

00:04:01:11 - 00:04:08:07
Tom Phillips
Yeah, yeah. She's your daughter. I hey. What do you think?

00:04:08:20 - 00:04:23:14
Matthew Krekeler
That's great. Yeah, I had that same moment where it's just like, you know, they're so small, and, like, I'm like, man, this child is so fragile. And, like, even, like, picking her up, I'm like, the first time trying to pick her up in the right way.

00:04:24:02 - 00:04:27:17
Tom Phillips
Like, how do I hold her? Everything is so I.

00:04:28:15 - 00:04:47:06
Matthew Krekeler
Want to make sure she's protected and stuff. And then as they get older, my three year old is like jumping all over me. I'd, like, spread it around and it's amazing. Like, yeah, they kind of bounce a little bit more. Like as they get older, they like fall off the couch more and they do more kind of reckless things.

00:04:47:06 - 00:05:06:16
Matthew Krekeler
They're like, Well, be careful then. It's like, okay, they're fine. Like you kind of learn to ease into it a little bit. But yeah, but it's a, it's an interesting moment to take them from the hospital for the first time. And it's like, Yeah, this little child is all yours. And like, it's your responsibility, but it's such a beautiful thing as well.

00:05:07:02 - 00:05:10:10
Tom Phillips
Yeah, it's, it's yeah, it was surreal.

00:05:11:09 - 00:05:20:07
Matthew Krekeler
And then what was that moment like when you got pregnant again? And then what did you find out? That you were having twins and what was that like?

00:05:20:22 - 00:05:51:08
Tom Phillips
So we found out we were pregnant again and we were really excited because we wanted to have them kind of close together. And so that was really cool and then, you know, COVID, I couldn't go to the ultrasound for the second one, so I went for it and I was actually it was my last day at my my previous job.

00:05:51:11 - 00:06:21:21
Tom Phillips
And so I was like walking to the commuter train that takes you downtown to my laptop and everything and my wife face times me and she's like, Are you sitting down? I'm like, No, I'm clearly walking. What's I is everything okay? Because that was my first concern because of my virus. Yeah. And then she shows me and I see two stack and I just start going, oh, oh.

00:06:23:02 - 00:06:45:05
Tom Phillips
I think I said it over and over and she's like, Are you okay? Are you happy? How is this? Like, I think I was in shock for like 6 hours, which was, yeah, good. I was on my last day and just turning stuff in. But yeah. And then we didn't even see each other until later that night because she was a bridesmaid at her friend's wedding the next day.

00:06:45:09 - 00:06:45:20
Tom Phillips
So.

00:06:45:20 - 00:06:46:15
Matthew Krekeler
Okay.

00:06:46:15 - 00:06:58:17
Tom Phillips
So she was at she went to work and then I went to work and turned everything in. And then we met at the booth rehearsal all night before dinner or whatever. Yeah.

00:07:00:20 - 00:07:24:18
Tom Phillips
And we like each other in public with all these people around who she had already told. And I was like, I guess we'll talk about this after the weekend. I don't know what. Yeah. So that was kind of weird because we didn't really even get to talk to each other about it for a couple days. And then and the whole time I'm like freaking out.

00:07:24:18 - 00:07:48:07
Tom Phillips
I'm like, Oh, crap, daycare. This is kind of for us financially. How are we going to do this? But my but then I like talk to my parents and they're like, you know, you'll figure it out and it'll be fine. And so it was just a very that you have that surreal moment with the first kid, then you find out you're having to.

00:07:49:02 - 00:08:03:01
Tom Phillips
It is like a whirlwind for a couple of hours and then yeah, it was, it was not it was probably not the ideal situation to find out you're having to.

00:08:03:01 - 00:08:26:21
Matthew Krekeler
But it's a lot to process and I think having to process it kind of on your own with not without having that immediate being able to talk to your partner and really discuss right then. But yeah, but obviously like you figured it out and anyone in that similar situation, hopefully there's like some encouragement that.

00:08:27:05 - 00:08:27:13
Tom Phillips
Yeah.

00:08:28:18 - 00:08:39:14
Matthew Krekeler
Twins happen, fatherhood happens, there's all sorts of different scenarios. But whatever scenario you're in, yeah, you go, you'll get through it.

00:08:40:05 - 00:08:40:20
Tom Phillips
Yeah, but.

00:08:40:22 - 00:08:43:11
Matthew Krekeler
But there's lots of choices too, I'm sure.

00:08:43:23 - 00:09:11:15
Tom Phillips
Yeah. No. And then after that weekend, when we were able to sit down and actually talk about everything, we're obviously like super excited and were we're like, okay, well, now we just have because we're I'm a kind of person who wants to be surprised in the in the delivery room, I was like, I want to know, like I want to get the sexes.

00:09:11:15 - 00:09:30:01
Tom Phillips
I want to yeah. So we start getting names ready and we then the twins sleep in the same room, so we didn't have to paint it pink or blue. Not that we did that with our daughter anyways. Like all our. Yeah, but yeah.

00:09:31:23 - 00:09:58:18
Matthew Krekeler
That's great. Yeah. We, we have always wanted to find out before. I know you know people have differing opinions on that. Some people like to be surprised. We're kind of like, Oh, it's a surprise either way. Like we kind of like to have one thing that we can kind of anticipate it and then it's kind of fun thinking of names like at this stage so that, you know, your child has a name, you can kind of refer to them as that.

00:09:59:03 - 00:10:00:01
Matthew Krekeler
Instead of just.

00:10:00:20 - 00:10:01:03
Tom Phillips
You know.

00:10:01:20 - 00:10:03:15
Matthew Krekeler
The baby or it or whatever or whatever.

00:10:04:08 - 00:10:04:15
Tom Phillips
That.

00:10:04:15 - 00:10:11:22
Matthew Krekeler
That kind of humanizes your child a little bit more kind of build a connection that way even before delivery.

00:10:11:22 - 00:10:15:23
Tom Phillips
But yeah, I think our big surprise was having that we were having twins.

00:10:16:02 - 00:10:21:21
Matthew Krekeler
So yeah, I'm sure that was a big surprise. Rebecca And you went from 1 to 3.

00:10:22:01 - 00:10:22:21
Tom Phillips
Yeah, either way.

00:10:23:14 - 00:10:26:04
Matthew Krekeler
Which is a big jump. Yeah. And then.

00:10:26:04 - 00:10:27:07
Tom Phillips
Oh, go ahead.

00:10:28:10 - 00:10:38:01
Matthew Krekeler
Well, I'm sure you get this all the time, but how many times have you heard people say now you have your hands full?

00:10:38:01 - 00:11:11:23
Tom Phillips
Not really. Okay. I think I think it's almost or maybe I heard like now you really have your hands full. Maybe I heard that. But I think people are more just like, oh, my God, you have three under three. And the second and third are twins. How are you doing that? And I actually have a friend who has the same situation and just pretty much did a year in front of us.

00:11:11:23 - 00:11:37:14
Tom Phillips
And his wife reached out to my wife and was like, Hey, every six months it gets a little bit better. But the first ten months are going to be really rough. You're going to feel like you're drowning. And I was like, where? And you know, we're at the first six month mark and I'm not going to jinx myself and say that it feels better.

00:11:38:18 - 00:12:11:06
Tom Phillips
Yeah, I'm applying it. I'm not going to say it. But the first three or four months were it's rough with like and on top of that, you have a two and a half year old who's the tornado. So yeah, it's it was wild. And like, I'm glad we're past that phase, but it was really cool to have them at the same time and like it.

00:12:12:03 - 00:12:36:12
Tom Phillips
It's hard. It's hard to explain, just like you could there, so that you could put one on each leg and hold them up like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're also very cautious because they're so small, so you don't really carry on both at the same time when they're that little their sport, their heads and everything. But now what I would do is I would hold them both like footballs and go up the stairs.

00:12:36:12 - 00:12:50:19
Tom Phillips
And my wife. Oh, yeah? What do you do it like? I'm like, she's like, you're going to jinx yourself by doing that. By saying that. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know where I was going with that.

00:12:50:19 - 00:13:05:04
Matthew Krekeler
No, that's great. Have you noticed? Just like between all of the siblings, their relationship, like the relationship that the oldest as she loved being a big sister. Yeah. And then the relationship that the twins have together.

00:13:06:04 - 00:13:29:14
Tom Phillips
Yeah, it's really interesting. The oldest one being a big sister, maybe too much at times. We're like, okay, you got to be a little bit more gentle, you know? And when you're, yeah, but they'll be laughing. She's ripping their arms back and forth and up and down. It's cute. And she definitely likes one more than the other. Okay.

00:13:30:06 - 00:13:32:07
Matthew Krekeler
The boy or the girl, she can.

00:13:32:08 - 00:13:32:17
Tom Phillips
Better.

00:13:33:03 - 00:13:34:09
Matthew Krekeler
She connects more with the boy.

00:13:34:21 - 00:14:00:20
Tom Phillips
And it's funny because they're very similar. When they were when she was raised, she was very smiley and happy and giggly and Olive, who's the girl twin. And she is a lot more like, you're going to have to work to make me laugh and smile. I'm not just going to look at you and smile and be happy. You're going to have to work for that.

00:14:01:02 - 00:14:27:00
Tom Phillips
So yeah, it's very cool to see their personalities kind of coming out after just being spit up and screamed at for four months. Yeah, but yeah, it's cool to see that relationship and they kind of have that same relationship between the twins. Like he'll look at her and I'll just be very stoic and be like, What are you what's going on over there?

00:14:27:05 - 00:14:27:15
Tom Phillips
Yeah.

00:14:29:09 - 00:14:49:00
Matthew Krekeler
That's great. Yeah. So I've got a three year old, a one year old, and then we're expecting our third in November. So we'll have. Thank you. So we'll have that kind of dynamic. Yeah, three kind of under three. Our oldest is a little more than three but yeah. Three under four I guess you could say.

00:14:49:06 - 00:14:52:07
Tom Phillips
Yeah. It's still be chaos. Yeah.

00:14:54:01 - 00:15:06:02
Matthew Krekeler
And then with our oldest we just started potty training and your oldest is about. Yeah. About the same age as my. And have you guys started potty training yet.

00:15:06:03 - 00:15:46:00
Tom Phillips
So we, we did try it like Memorial Day weekend. Yeah. The whole weekend we potty trained her. She was doing really good tumor pee and poop on the body and was doing really well. And then she went to daycare and went also trained because afraid to go in the bathroom there. So then we're like, yeah, we don't want her to be afraid of the party and all this other stuff to try it later.

00:15:46:00 - 00:15:56:10
Tom Phillips
I think in a couple of weeks we're going to try again when there's this week. Very good daycare. Yeah, we're just going to be like, okay, let's go. How to do it?

00:15:58:04 - 00:16:03:23
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. So I'll recommend. There's a channel called Big Little Feelings.

00:16:04:15 - 00:16:05:04
Tom Phillips
And.

00:16:06:03 - 00:16:31:02
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, they've got like an Instagram page and then a website and yeah, they're like a parenting mom blog kind of thing, but they have a potty training course. I think it's relatively reasonable. I think it's like 30 bucks. But I could be wrong. Yeah, but it's just like an online video course and they kind of walk you through their recommendations for potty training.

00:16:31:02 - 00:16:56:00
Matthew Krekeler
So my wife and I did that course together. Well, we tried it on our own before the course, like six months ago, and we just kind of used everyone else's advice that we just kind of have collected a lot of people recommend. And this big little feelings also recommends kind of dedicating a weekend and it's just like stay home weekend and then let your child just be naked in the house.

00:16:56:05 - 00:16:57:12
Tom Phillips
That's what that's what we did.

00:16:58:10 - 00:17:13:13
Matthew Krekeler
And then you can put towels down and other things, but then they'll learn pretty quickly that they don't like the feeling of pee on them and stuff. So it's like, yeah, the only alternative is like when you feel that you got to make it to the bathroom.

00:17:13:13 - 00:17:37:12
Tom Phillips
So yeah, it's really interesting because we did a naked all weekend thing and now every once in a while I would say that's probably two or three times a week. Should be like, I want to go on the potty, okay? And she'll go and she and that and we're like, Are you ready to go all the time? You know, I'm on my diaper.

00:17:38:21 - 00:18:02:22
Tom Phillips
Yeah. Okay. I think the big one is going to be pooping, though, because that's the one where she, like, struggles with. But we're also like, okay, if you're going to poop, you can't go put your hand in your pants after that. Yeah, she's just she's at the point where it's like, we got to cut her off and be like, all right, you wear that.

00:18:02:22 - 00:18:03:04
Tom Phillips
Yeah.

00:18:03:15 - 00:18:20:15
Matthew Krekeler
But yeah, there's certain conveniences with the diaper. Like, you're going someplace. It's just like, man, it's way easier to have the diaper, even if it's poop. Yeah, you can, like, contain it and clean it. Then if they have an accident without the diaper, it's just totally.

00:18:20:15 - 00:18:20:19
Tom Phillips
Yeah.

00:18:22:04 - 00:18:37:08
Matthew Krekeler
But eventually, like having that definitive moment where you say no, like you're too big for diapers. The diapers are too small now and just you kind of have to just cut it off. Cold turkey.

00:18:37:20 - 00:18:39:14
Tom Phillips
Yeah.

00:18:39:14 - 00:18:55:07
Matthew Krekeler
And that that really helped us like the second time. So yeah, we were, we kind of did the thing and we had sort of like a reward system. What, like when we tried six months ago, like getting like a little treat or something like that. A lot of people do like Eminem's or something.

00:18:55:14 - 00:18:56:02
Tom Phillips
That's funny.

00:18:57:00 - 00:19:04:07
Matthew Krekeler
If you don't want the sweets you could do, we got like stickers so you could get like a sticker sheet. But we did stickers too.

00:19:04:13 - 00:19:06:21
Tom Phillips
We did like. Yeah.

00:19:08:01 - 00:19:41:22
Matthew Krekeler
And kids are all different. Like, Yeah, some kids just will consume sweets and candy and it's like if you want to kind of avoid that and stickers are a good option, but what big little feelings actually recommends and this is what we did the second time was we didn't do a reward system because that like from what they recommended was that just like sort of creates this bad habit in a way where it's like you always need something in order to go to the party.

00:19:42:14 - 00:20:05:13
Matthew Krekeler
So and you don't always have the stickers available or whatever your treat is. And then each time you offer something, there's a potential for like the child to just keep pushing what they want. Like could I get two stickers and then like, and then M&M isn't good enough. They want a cookie and all this, like, they keep escalating it.

00:20:06:00 - 00:20:27:00
Matthew Krekeler
So you want it to kind of be like a natural approach where they feel the responsibility of going on their own and telling you, but they want to do it on their own because they don't like the feeling of having an accident in their pants versus like always trying to get a reward. So that's that's kind of what they recommended.

00:20:27:00 - 00:20:37:03
Matthew Krekeler
And so we have been sticking to that with the second round. And I think our eldest Kaylee has been out of diapers.

00:20:38:10 - 00:20:38:15
Tom Phillips
For.

00:20:38:15 - 00:21:03:08
Matthew Krekeler
Probably four weeks now, and it's actually been going better than I thought it would. So still have accidents and stuff and it's typically around when she's really invested in whatever she's doing, like watching a show or playing or something like that where she doesn't want to take the time to go. But she's she's actually really smart and pretty independent.

00:21:03:08 - 00:21:29:11
Matthew Krekeler
She always wants to do everything on her own anyway. Yeah. So and it all kind of depends on your kid and their temperament and stuff, but if you have like, you know, an independent kid like that, it's, it's pretty great that like you want to encourage them and use positive motivation, but eventually they'll get to the point where they, they want to go and they're proud of themselves and just encouraging that more.

00:21:30:10 - 00:21:49:20
Tom Phillips
Yeah, that's what we try to do is just feel like I'm so proud of you. You want on the part of your body. Yeah, every time I think. But I think, you know, obviously the Eminem stickers are like incentive for them to do it, but I think they get more satisfaction out of that positive. Yeah.

00:21:51:16 - 00:21:52:05
Matthew Krekeler
That's great.

00:21:52:14 - 00:21:52:22
Tom Phillips
Yeah.

00:21:54:00 - 00:22:20:12
Matthew Krekeler
Well, yeah. I wish you luck on that. I don't think we're out of the woods yet. And we're we're planning a road trip pretty soon, so we'll see how how well that that will be it kind of the farthest and longest amount of time that that will go well. Hopefully she'll be able to do it. We're actually considering doing pull ups during that time.

00:22:20:12 - 00:22:31:21
Matthew Krekeler
So it's like semi it's different than her normal diapers, but like a lot easier to clean up and stuff when you're like kind of in the middle of nowhere on the interstate.

00:22:31:21 - 00:22:37:03
Tom Phillips
So that's for sure. Um, how far is the drive going to be?

00:22:37:03 - 00:22:41:19
Matthew Krekeler
We're going to Nebraska from Dover. So it's about 8 hours. Yeah, yeah.

00:22:42:19 - 00:22:53:04
Tom Phillips
Yeah. It's not terrible, but who knows? Yeah, we'll see. I, I say that now with my first eight hour trip with a semi potty trained kids.

00:22:54:18 - 00:22:56:08
Matthew Krekeler
Have you traveled a lot with your kids?

00:22:56:08 - 00:23:36:14
Tom Phillips
No. I mean, she was born four months before COVID lockdowns. Yeah. So we I mean, I, we traveled with her with my brother, got married in October and we were going to bring her. And then there is some spike and we're like, we don't want to bring her on a plane and deal with that. So yeah, then our mother her or my mother in law, watch her while we were out, we just pulled to a like it was only an hour and a half away.

00:23:37:01 - 00:24:10:08
Tom Phillips
Um, there's this. There's this hiking spot outside of Chicago that we went to. Yeah. And we stayed in a very rural farmhouse on somebody's property to the point where and the thing it's in the Airbnb guide is like, if you hear gunshots, don't worry, that's us in Turkey. I was like, where we go all Yeah, that's, that's what we did, all of us.

00:24:11:16 - 00:24:37:19
Tom Phillips
And we all slept in the same room. And that was the first time we've actually let her sleep in our bed. Okay, Penelope, sleep in our bed. Twin slept in porta cribs. They're on one because they're too big for two to share. Also, we're afraid that one of the other one. So there's that. Yeah. And it went really well, all things considered.

00:24:39:11 - 00:24:45:19
Tom Phillips
But yeah, we haven't made a big trip. I think we might go to Arizona Christmas because that's where my family is from.

00:24:46:09 - 00:24:47:02
Matthew Krekeler
Okay, great.

00:24:47:20 - 00:25:01:01
Tom Phillips
I think my parents have said, yeah, we'll come, we'll fly in and then we'll help you. We'll, we'll fly back with you and then we'll get back with you. Okay? Yeah, I'll go out. I was like, yes, please.

00:25:01:15 - 00:25:05:04
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, that would be a long drive from Chicago.

00:25:05:14 - 00:25:06:04
Tom Phillips
Yeah, that'd be.

00:25:06:04 - 00:25:07:08
Matthew Krekeler
Like in December.

00:25:07:22 - 00:25:12:09
Tom Phillips
Yeah, in the summer. Yeah. I won't even like drive now.

00:25:12:11 - 00:25:47:08
Matthew Krekeler
So but flying too with kids. We've done it a couple different times. Not crazy far, but yeah, but we flew back to Ohio where my wife's family went. My wife has some family in Ohio and yeah. For for her grandma's funeral. And that was probably the farthest we've been with the girls, but it was good. And we had some aunts and uncles fly with us the so yeah.

00:25:47:10 - 00:26:01:03
Matthew Krekeler
So they like being with their aunts and uncles. Yeah. I want to ask too and we'll do a separate episode just with your top tips on Chicago. But what's it like raising your kids in Chicago?

00:26:02:03 - 00:26:29:20
Tom Phillips
So I'm actually in the burbs of Chicago, okay. Not in the city anymore. We did live the first nine months of her life in the city, and that was it was a lot of fun because, you know, you can just take the stroller and walk anywhere. We did get a car. We didn't have a car. I live the cargo.

00:26:30:11 - 00:26:57:03
Tom Phillips
I lived downtown in the city for nine years and I didn't have a car until my last seven months. So I was like, I don't want to cart get this thing out of here. But it made sense for having the kids just to take them to doctor's appointments in the winter and stuff. But I mean, it was fun to be able to just tip elevator down your building, you go walk to a restaurant and meet up their friends.

00:26:57:03 - 00:27:33:01
Tom Phillips
That way, the way to see them. But ultimately it but it makes sense when you have kids, at least in Chicago, at least for us. Some people live in the city with kids. So I'm not going to speak forever. I'm to speak for us. We have more of a support system out here. My mom lives like 25 minutes away drive so she's able to come and help out.

00:27:33:01 - 00:28:05:21
Tom Phillips
She just comes over once or twice a week to help out and that's good. It's more space. And obviously if you have a house for like a we were living in an apartment with her. Yeah. She was always right there, which honestly was great during COVID because, you know, you could work from home and I got to spend an extra I mean, I got two months paternity job and then got three months sharing in my car and that was sweet.

00:28:06:01 - 00:28:06:13
Matthew Krekeler
That's great.

00:28:07:03 - 00:28:32:19
Tom Phillips
Yeah. But I got to spend the first eight months of her life with her all the time, and that's something you can't replace. So there's a lot of positives that have come out of COVID, but that was a huge one for us that we got to see every day. We didn't have to go into work or anything like that.

00:28:32:19 - 00:28:38:00
Tom Phillips
We were able then pretty much every day of her first eight months with her.

00:28:39:09 - 00:29:00:17
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, yeah. Like for our kids too. They kind of grew up during COVID as well. And that was one of those blessings that did come from it is you know, you really appreciate that time with your family and and in some ways you do get to spend more time with them if you're working from home and that kind of stuff.

00:29:00:17 - 00:29:11:23
Tom Phillips
Yeah, is, was cool and now I work from home all the time, so that's kind of what I'm working. I just hear them screaming.

00:29:11:23 - 00:29:20:14
Matthew Krekeler
And then what advice would you have for dads of daughters or for dads of twins?

00:29:20:14 - 00:29:43:04
Tom Phillips
Right. I mean, if if you're about to have your first kid, the first advice is to sleep as safe as you can. Like right now. I think I woke up at 330 this morning and I couldn't fall back in yesterday. It was 230. So yeah, because with the twins they might wake each other up or might not feel good.

00:29:43:04 - 00:30:10:01
Tom Phillips
Yeah. So we're lucky with our first. She slept through the night after six months and has not had any issues. Knock on wood. Haven't been so lucky with the twins yet. But yeah, that I mean that's my main advice. And then, you know, you just got to be flexible and you'll figure it out as long as you're willing to run the work.

00:30:10:15 - 00:30:37:19
Tom Phillips
Because I think the thing I don't know what I'm doing with my wife. Well, we'll say she doesn't, but I'm sure I mean, she has it down and I just constantly asking her what I should be doing. And the kids are durable. And the other thing I'll say is I was on when I was on paternity leave and I was watching.

00:30:37:19 - 00:31:08:00
Tom Phillips
I'm by myself. There are times where I'm like, You've been screaming for 30 minutes, I need a break. I'm just going to go in the bathroom on my phone for 5 minutes so that I'm not getting screamed in the face I can still hear. And there's nothing wrong with that to just be like, I need a mental break to just, yeah, roll mindlessly, scroll Twitter or scroll Instagram and just not pay attention to anything except that for 5 minutes.

00:31:08:00 - 00:31:33:21
Tom Phillips
Because you know what? The kids are either and they'll probably still be screaming after 5 minutes, but I think that's like a huge thing is to say you have to take care of yourself as much as you can. Obviously, with twins, those first six months, we're just like on autopilot and just straight survival mode. Like, you're not like, oh, you'll drown like up to here.

00:31:33:21 - 00:32:08:10
Tom Phillips
And it's like, no, I'm like six feet under the water, you guys. I don't know what you're talking about. Like, now I'm like, here, I'm not six feet under. It's just above my head. So maybe in the next three months it'll be here and I'll be able to breathe. So I, I think that's it for and then just, I think making sure, like your wife and you are on the same page as much as you can be, you know, if yeah, I should say your partner also making sure that you and your partner are on the same page as much as you can be.

00:32:09:07 - 00:32:43:15
Tom Phillips
I know that my wife is a huge support system for me. She puts a lot of from them and for me. So I just try and be as mindful of what's going on with her as I can be. I probably don't do the best job, but I try my best to see how she's doing and doing that because especially if you know you're going from 2 to 3, we went from 1 to 3, so we were from two on.

00:32:43:21 - 00:32:53:11
Tom Phillips
One defense here at least going from one on one down defense and you'll have your all those probably help out some too. Sure hopefully she yeah.

00:32:53:11 - 00:32:59:03
Matthew Krekeler
We try we're trying to train her to be helpful.

00:32:59:03 - 00:33:12:02
Tom Phillips
So I think that like, you know, just knowing that, you know, there's going to there's more of them and, you know, I think that luckily I'm your one year old mobile.

00:33:13:20 - 00:33:30:17
Matthew Krekeler
But almost she she's so close to walking she'll she'll pull herself up and like hold on to the couch and, like, walk around the couch. But she's not free walking just yet. She, she wants to so that yeah.

00:33:31:02 - 00:33:52:23
Tom Phillips
I think that that's like just knowing that you're not going to be able to handle of at once I think was like a huge part for us because we're like, Oh my God, we're having we have one. How are we going to handle two? We're going to have to each pay attention to each one. And now it's like, No, we can't do that, so we'll just figure it out.

00:33:52:23 - 00:34:05:13
Tom Phillips
Like, whoever's crying the most is getting that, getting attention from one of us. The other two are just having eyeballs float. Yeah, I, yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

00:34:06:13 - 00:34:29:02
Matthew Krekeler
I think it's easy to, to see like whatever your youngest kid has, like, oh, well, they obviously like I need to put down like the oldest is self-sufficient, so like the youngest is crying, so I have to attend to them. But sometimes, like, it's okay to let the youngest, like, cry a little bit as long as they're safe, you know?

00:34:29:15 - 00:34:37:09
Matthew Krekeler
And then the oldest is crying just as much. And it's like, okay, like to pick up the oldest to and say like, yeah, I'm still here for you.

00:34:37:15 - 00:34:37:22
Tom Phillips
Yeah.

00:34:37:22 - 00:34:41:20
Matthew Krekeler
Like attend to them as well. Yeah.

00:34:41:20 - 00:35:05:03
Tom Phillips
I think that was the one thing I tried at least early on was to make sure that we were giving her attention too, because, you know, it's like one of us holding was hoping to feed each of them that. Yeah, terrible way of saying it. But, um, so she would be like, play with me and we're feeding the babies now.

00:35:05:03 - 00:35:26:11
Tom Phillips
But after one of us to play with you and then one of us would watch the two. So I think that was that was something I try my best to be cognizant of. And now there's times where I still see it with her, where she'll be like, You can watch the show with me and you're like, Yeah, I'll come sit with you.

00:35:27:00 - 00:35:27:22
Tom Phillips
I can, yeah.

00:35:30:00 - 00:35:53:18
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, yeah. I think that's good advice. And I try to like set it aside that time, even though there's always stuff to do, but even just five or 10 minutes, like if you can put some stuff off a little bit later and just spend 5 minutes like giving them your full attention, then it's amazing the way that they respond later and allow you to have that time later.

00:35:54:05 - 00:36:23:03
Matthew Krekeler
Totally awesome. And then yeah, just in the final minutes, I want to ask you. Yeah, if you could tell your daughters or tell all three of your kids directly, one thing, what would you like to leave them with? It's a big question. And you could you could say it collectively or individually.

00:36:24:00 - 00:37:17:21
Tom Phillips
Yeah, I just I don't know if I want my kids to be happy, but I also want them to be, like, independent and strong. So I don't want to I would say the main thing I want them to be is just like confident in who they are and that I support them always. I heard this. I heard the really powerful statement from some podcasters who his daughter came out as binary or non-binary and he said something like along the lines of their When you say I love you no matter what, there's the negative connotation to that because you're implying that there's something wrong.

00:37:19:02 - 00:37:39:03
Tom Phillips
But if you say, I love you always, it's just pure support and pure love. And I think that that's the biggest thing I want from them is just that there happy and that I love them.

00:37:41:11 - 00:38:16:11
Matthew Krekeler
That's beautiful. And I really like that distinction too. Like loving your kids always. And I also I might have read this somewhere this but but always. And then splitting it up to all the ways like, you know, we can love them, you know, in physical ways and in emotional ways and, and in all of the ways that they are them and uniquely individuals like for their talents, for the beauty that they naturally have, for their accomplishments, for their failures.

00:38:16:11 - 00:38:24:21
Matthew Krekeler
And all of those things like it's amazing. As fathers, we are given that opportunity to just love on our kids in all of these ways.

00:38:24:21 - 00:38:31:14
Tom Phillips
Yeah, it's awesome being a dad.

00:38:31:14 - 00:38:34:07
Matthew Krekeler
I couldn't agree more. So thank you so much for your time.

00:38:35:04 - 00:38:47:03
Tom Phillips
Yeah, thank you, Matt. God damn you guys.

00:38:48:20 - 00:39:06:03
Matthew Krekeler
Thank you to Tom Phillips for sharing his journey and being part of Girl Dad Nation. Check out the links in the description for more of his content, plus the link to the potty training course I mentioned from Big Little Feelings. Full disclosure, it has been several months since this interview and my oldest daughter is still not potty trained.

00:39:06:12 - 00:39:25:08
Matthew Krekeler
It happens as parents. We have to just keep doing the best we can and celebrate the little victories we had other priorities with our third daughter being born in November, but we hope to get back into the potty training routine very soon. I love doing interviews like this. We can share the real struggles and joys of being dads.

00:39:25:19 - 00:39:47:12
Matthew Krekeler
I hope this inspires you as it has me to keep loving always and in all ways. Thank you for journeying with me. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please let me know by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts and sharing the show with a friend. Girl Dad Nation is on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook and you can email me directly at girldadnationpodcast@gmail.com.

00:39:48:01 - 00:39:50:11
Matthew Krekeler
There is no greater joy than being a dad.