A British Dad in America (ft. Brenden Guy, @brendenandellie)

**Transcript is Auto-Generated**

00:00:00:16 - 00:00:30:13
Matthew Krekeler
Welcome to Girl Dad Nation. In this episode, I welcome Brenden Guy. Brenden is a digital creator and tiktoker (People say that?) with two young daughters. Recorded this interview back in August 2022. He is known for creating funny and relatable videos about parenting and also sharing his culture shocks. Being a Brit living in the United States. It was really fun to chat with him about lessons learned in parenting and in life.

00:00:30:13 - 00:00:40:23
Matthew Krekeler
Brenden, thank you so much. Welcome to the show.

00:00:41:12 - 00:00:42:04
Brenden Guy
Thanks for having me.

00:00:42:18 - 00:01:08:01
Matthew Krekeler
Now, it's awesome to get connected to you. You have a massive following on Instagram and Tik Tok and you are known as a Brit living in the US. So you have a really cool perspective there. But then you also have two girls, which I think is awesome and yeah, they're about the same age as my girls and I love your dad perspective and that.

00:01:08:02 - 00:01:38:10
Matthew Krekeler
And you create tiktoks and other fun videos, both fun and also very sentimental, which I also really love just about parenting in a very relatable way. And I encourage everyone to check out your channel. It's at Brendon and Ali because I just love that content. But yeah, let's go back. Yeah. A little over three years ago when you first became a dad and wanted to ask, what was that moment like for you?

00:01:39:13 - 00:02:07:08
Brenden Guy
It was it was a mix of emotions, which I think is the case for many people. And we had been we had planned to have kids all along. So it wasn't something that was a surprise or a shock or anything like that. But I think that and this is something I have actually had discussions about through some of the posts that I've made on my social media account, the planned or unplanned.

00:02:07:18 - 00:02:38:17
Brenden Guy
I think it can always be a shock because the you can think about having kids and you can plan for having kids, but when the reality of actually having a having a child and I don't necessarily mean like the birth of the child, just the reality of knowing that you are going to have a child. Definitely assuming, you know, assuming all things go well and the and the nine months leading up to the birth, it can be a big shock like it happens, like it is happening and the reality just really sets in.

00:02:38:17 - 00:02:50:19
Brenden Guy
So I think, you know, mix of emotions, excitement, but also just a shock of of wow, life is going to change at a very specific point in time now.

00:02:52:04 - 00:03:02:22
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, absolutely. And did you guys find out gender before the birth? I'm kind of doing an unofficial poll with my guests. It's it's interesting. It's about half and half.

00:03:03:17 - 00:03:38:01
Brenden Guy
Yes, we did. For both. Yeah. We first we were just to, you know, too excited to find out and and didn't really feel neither of us really felt like we needed that surprise on the day. As cool as it would be, I'm sure we were just as I said to two key and excited to find out. And then for our second child Lucy and we we for sure wanted to find out because she was born around the same time or she would be born around the same time that Ellie was born.

00:03:38:09 - 00:03:45:14
Brenden Guy
So we could potentially reuse a lot of the same clothes because the sizes would just be the right fit within the right season.

00:03:45:14 - 00:03:47:13
Matthew Krekeler
So yeah, absolutely.

00:03:48:01 - 00:03:49:16
Brenden Guy
From a financial standpoint.

00:03:49:16 - 00:03:50:11
Matthew Krekeler
Totally with you.

00:03:50:22 - 00:04:17:03
Brenden Guy
So yeah, again, this is another conversation I've had through the course of some of my social media posts about the color of clothes and whether that gender specific and that kind of stuff. But yeah, there are just some clothes that are very clearly designed for girls and you know, we just wanted to be sure that we had a certain selection set aside for, for the second child if if if she if it turned out to be a girl.

00:04:18:17 - 00:04:41:01
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. Could I just ask your thoughts on that since you brought that up? Like, yeah, picking clothes, especially for babies. Like they can't pick their own clothes. But as they get older, like, like my daughter now, like, picked out her clothes for the first day of school. And yeah, we pretty much like, just let her pick whatever she wants within reason.

00:04:41:01 - 00:04:44:00
Matthew Krekeler
We're like, okay, you have to wear, like, pants to school.

00:04:44:07 - 00:04:44:15
Brenden Guy
And.

00:04:46:15 - 00:05:05:06
Matthew Krekeler
But yeah, but she, my daughter loves dresses and that's just kind of been like a natural sort of thing. We have both, like pants and shirts and but she has really gravitated towards dresses, but it wasn't really something that we necessarily like pushed on her outright. But yeah.

00:05:05:16 - 00:05:46:10
Brenden Guy
It's been interesting. Yeah, for sure as an interesting topic. I mean, it sounds sounds like exactly the same for us really. We didn't we didn't push specific styles and colors on her. I, I think by default when you get given clothes by family members and friends as gifts, they can often tend to via towards that more sort of the styles and colors that are targeted by big brands and yeah, stores for girls but you know, so she, I guess she could be a product of that by default.

00:05:47:07 - 00:06:11:06
Brenden Guy
But no, we certainly didn't. And when we are, we're not of the opinion of of pushing a very specific gender type, whether it's only playing with princess dolls and wearing princess dresses and wearing pink and red or whatever the case may be. You know, it's it's and actually know my wife has always said that it's really difficult to find the right clothes.

00:06:11:06 - 00:06:44:20
Brenden Guy
The girls, too for boys like they have a much bigger selection and things that are considered to be, you know, appropriate to wear. And oftentimes girl clothes for girls run much smaller, which is just not, you know, which is a whole other topic to. So yeah and we, we she can wear whatever she wants when she's, you know, when she's able to make the decisions and she, you know, she just naturally gravitate towards dressing up in princess clothes.

00:06:44:22 - 00:06:46:13
Brenden Guy
I mean, yeah, yeah.

00:06:46:22 - 00:07:10:08
Matthew Krekeler
So yeah, my, my daughter wore her costume princess dresses like Elsa and Ana and, and Elena of Avalor to preschool. And it was like these costume clothes, but like, that's what she wanted to wear. And so we're like, okay, you know, within reason, like she wasn't hurting anyone or whatever, but that was the way she wanted to dress.

00:07:10:08 - 00:07:12:16
Matthew Krekeler
And so we sent her to school like that.

00:07:12:21 - 00:07:13:16
Brenden Guy
Yeah. So.

00:07:14:08 - 00:07:32:13
Matthew Krekeler
And then today was actually her first day back to preschool after the summer break and she chose this dress because it had big pockets on the front and it was just like no function. Yeah, yeah. She wanted to put all of your stuff in there so that she could take it to the preschool.

00:07:32:13 - 00:07:34:05
Brenden Guy
And my girl.

00:07:35:02 - 00:07:41:17
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. Now, how long have you had your. Your channels?

00:07:41:17 - 00:08:02:00
Brenden Guy
I started on tick tock right around. I think it was something like March or April of 2020. Like many people, particularly millennials, we got tick tock accounts during the pandemic as a way to pass the time.

00:08:02:00 - 00:08:06:13
Matthew Krekeler
And that was probably how I first saw your your first channels.

00:08:06:21 - 00:08:07:15
Brenden Guy
Oh, yeah. It was just.

00:08:07:15 - 00:08:10:05
Matthew Krekeler
Being, being at home in lockdown and then scrolling.

00:08:11:17 - 00:08:12:03
Brenden Guy
And it's I.

00:08:12:03 - 00:08:14:01
Matthew Krekeler
Was several of yours have went viral so.

00:08:14:02 - 00:08:36:00
Brenden Guy
Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. It was kind of, you know, I had originally been on musically, which was a few years ago, which eventually became Tick Tock, and it's because I'm in my skin, so I'm always kind of keeping my eye on the, the newest and hottest things. And so I was on musically for, for a while, not actually actively posting.

00:08:36:00 - 00:09:02:02
Brenden Guy
I maybe did like a couple just to test it out, but then eventually tick tock, I became tick tock and I think it was bought by Bytedance and, and then it started getting really big in 2020 actually before that, but starting in 2020. And so yeah, I decided, you know, I'm just going to stop posting, see what it's about, see if I can sort of harness this for my marketing career.

00:09:02:13 - 00:09:24:10
Brenden Guy
And in the end, it became a pet project of mine during the pandemic. So while I was working for other clients on their marketing and PR, I was sort of busy doing Tock for myself. And at the time I was like, Well, what can I talk about that's fun and relatable? The I enjoy, it's a big part of my life.

00:09:24:10 - 00:09:42:04
Brenden Guy
And of course, parenting was it at time, especially during the pandemic for all of us. We were just very, very hands on with our kids because we're all at home together. And so I decided to focus on parenting. And and it was good because, like I said, a lot of millennials were getting on to tick tock about same time.

00:09:42:04 - 00:10:08:22
Brenden Guy
So there was a lot of us kind of sharing the same kind of life parenting videos. And that's yeah, that's pretty much how it all starts. And then really Instagram followed fairly shortly afterwards when they introduced their reels. Yeah. And you reels feature and I basically just repurposed all of my tik tok so never had never seen them before.

00:10:09:14 - 00:10:18:07
Brenden Guy
So that was, that was fun and, and yeah, so that's, that's really neat. The, the creation and the style both of my social media accounts.

00:10:19:05 - 00:10:21:11
Matthew Krekeler
Do you remember your first ever, Tik Tok?

00:10:22:07 - 00:10:50:14
Brenden Guy
I do. I do, yes, it was it was my I don't know if it's still on there because I've done a couple of some of my some of my posts that have featured my kids in. But I believe that the very first one was one of my daughter six months kissing me to a song that that we used to play for her all the time.

00:10:52:02 - 00:11:01:22
Brenden Guy
So yeah, it was it was a really wasn't much to it. It was just meant to be like a cute video that I was just testing out at the time and I don't think it got very many views, but that was the that was the very first one.

00:11:02:22 - 00:11:09:11
Matthew Krekeler
That's really sweet. Do you know which which of all of your tiktoks is the most popular today?

00:11:10:17 - 00:11:54:17
Brenden Guy
I think the most popular today of the Tik Tok was one of my UK and the US coast culture shocks or my culture shocks as a Brit living in the US. Yeah. And I believe it was the very first one, 88.6 million views I think it got. And then on reels on Instagram it was, I think it was around 14 million for my wife sleeping in or trying to take a nap had been coming in to have her feed the baby with my useless nipples.

00:11:54:17 - 00:11:55:02
Brenden Guy
Yeah.

00:11:56:19 - 00:12:19:21
Matthew Krekeler
That's great. Yeah, there is. There is that. That just reminds me. There is this SNL skit where it was like the creation of man and the creation of woman. And, you know, even her woman team comes over and checks out man. And they're like, oh, okay. Like, yeah, you gave him nipples so that he can help with with the feeding of all the children.

00:12:20:11 - 00:12:24:21
Matthew Krekeler
And the men are just looking at him. No, it's because it makes a face like there's the little.

00:12:24:21 - 00:12:27:06
Brenden Guy
Eyes.

00:12:27:06 - 00:12:28:07
Matthew Krekeler
Belly buttons, the mouth.

00:12:28:12 - 00:12:29:12
Brenden Guy
They're amazing.

00:12:30:04 - 00:12:33:16
Matthew Krekeler
And no, like, practical function.

00:12:33:23 - 00:12:57:08
Brenden Guy
Yeah. No power, no function. Yeah, it's a it's a it's a funny. Yeah, you know, actually, I have to credit my wife for that tik tok she it. So that's the song. It was from Encanto. Encanto and it was a trend on Tik Tok for a while and my wife suggested that as an idea. I was like, Oh, that's a really good idea actually.

00:12:57:17 - 00:13:19:20
Brenden Guy
And we posted on Tik Tok, but the trend had already come and gone. So yeah, do very well. But when I posted on reels at the time reels was a little bit behind or the trends were happening on Tik Tok because I posted the on reels probably at the perfect time and it just in that it just blew up and but yeah, it was all that was all my wife, you know, and I have to also credit my wife.

00:13:19:20 - 00:13:46:20
Brenden Guy
She she's kind of my I guess you could call her my editor or proof. You know, she often like review my videos before I post them or help me with the captions. So it's not, you know, I it's definitely my account and my but as a as a say behind what's the what's the quote behind every great man is a man, yeah.

00:13:47:05 - 00:13:49:10
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, yeah. Is even better. Woman That's.

00:13:49:10 - 00:13:52:23
Brenden Guy
Right. Yeah. Is an even better woman that's right. So yeah.

00:13:53:23 - 00:14:06:10
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah yeah. I would agree 100% with like this whole podcast is much like this wouldn't exist without my wife. So I credit her with executive producer of the podcast and my daughters.

00:14:07:01 - 00:14:10:16
Brenden Guy
They have one. Yeah.

00:14:11:10 - 00:14:32:18
Matthew Krekeler
But, but yeah, just the nature of the podcast, it's often longer form. So I'm like, I get it, babe. You don't have time to listen to, like, hours of just me talking to other dads, so I'll share just funny clips that I think are the most relevant to her. And then she helps me with like more of the posts and stuff like that.

00:14:32:18 - 00:14:38:12
Matthew Krekeler
But, but largely, yeah, this wouldn't be possible without her either.

00:14:38:12 - 00:14:38:22
Brenden Guy
Great.

00:14:40:16 - 00:15:03:08
Matthew Krekeler
Now I have to ask, like the name Brendan and Allie. Like, you started it with your first daughter, which is so cute now that you have two daughters. But yeah, but the, the channel has already had, like huge following. And if anything it on that did you I don't even know if it's possible to like retroactively change a name.

00:15:04:19 - 00:15:25:14
Brenden Guy
You can. You can. And I'm not sure what the character limit is. And so I'm not sure that could be Brendan and Ellie and Lucy. But I've certainly had that conversation with my wife and I post on an Instagram story one day to see what my followers thought. And, you know, lots of them said that it should be incorporated.

00:15:25:16 - 00:15:49:19
Brenden Guy
I should incorporate my second daughter. But, you know, honestly, I I'm reluctant to change it because, yeah, as you say, it's sort of I have I've been Brendan Ellie for such a long time. And I think even if you change it, you run the risk of of losing the awareness that you've already created from that handle. And, you know, I got, I got some press around the US.

00:15:50:09 - 00:16:07:06
Brenden Guy
Well Brit Brit culture shocks in the US around that. So you know I just sort of feel like if I change my name it could be detrimental. But yeah, so, so for now I've just kind of left it. Yeah. I don't know what.

00:16:07:11 - 00:16:08:02
Matthew Krekeler
You're saying that.

00:16:09:01 - 00:16:16:20
Brenden Guy
You know, I have a friend on Tik Tok called. I don't know if, you know, if you come across him. He's called Zac, the girl dad and.

00:16:16:20 - 00:16:19:14
Matthew Krekeler
Oh great. Yeah, I think I've heard of him. Yeah.

00:16:20:05 - 00:16:24:22
Brenden Guy
Yeah. You should check. Yeah, check him out and he'd be a good guest for the podcast but he.

00:16:24:23 - 00:16:26:11
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, I'd love to have mine.

00:16:26:11 - 00:16:52:12
Brenden Guy
Yeah, he's, he's, he's a guy that is trying to break the dads stereotypes and the, the prevalent and helping helping dads to do better. But anyway, Zac the girl dad, he's having a he's having a sad kid. He's got two girls. He's having a third kid soon. And his followers have asked him if he's going to change his name and is a boy.

00:16:53:04 - 00:16:55:22
Brenden Guy
Yeah, I think that's to be determined.

00:16:57:11 - 00:16:58:07
Matthew Krekeler
He doesn't know yet.

00:16:58:15 - 00:17:04:22
Brenden Guy
I don't know. Yeah. No, I think and I think he's, I think they're waiting to find out. I could be wrong, but I think.

00:17:04:22 - 00:17:26:00
Matthew Krekeler
Okay. Yeah, well, we are expecting our third girl in November. We found out not just for the podcast, but just like for more of the practicals that you talked about. Like, do we really need to like overly prepare with like getting new clothes and all that kind of stuff? But the nice thing is with two girls, we already have a lot of the same hand-me-downs and stuff, which is great.

00:17:26:00 - 00:17:43:09
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, but I got that question a lot from family and also some from friends. Yeah. Girl Dad, nation. Like what happens if you have a boy and and yeah, my response was always just, well, I'm still a girl, dad. I would just also be a boy. That's true.

00:17:43:19 - 00:17:44:04
Brenden Guy
Yeah.

00:17:44:15 - 00:18:11:17
Matthew Krekeler
But. But having girls and having girls first, what the. Even if later on, if I have a son, which I've said before, like we would be welcoming to that as well. But everything that I've learned from my daughters up until this point has informed me as a parent, and I am so grateful for that. And even if I have sons, like, I would love that as well.

00:18:11:18 - 00:18:45:20
Matthew Krekeler
But but what I tell everyone that has daughters or is expecting a daughter is being a girl. Dad is the greatest thing. And I I've learned so much just from their their perspective and how their gentleness, their sweetness, their their wonder and their are. And I wanted to be a father that I could embrace that and prepare them to be the future leaders that I hope that they would be.

00:18:45:20 - 00:19:13:18
Matthew Krekeler
And especially like in this largely male dominated world, like how can we empower women to be who they're called to be to make positive changes in the world? And I think that it starts from the youngest age when they're just babies. And it's it's all of those girls that had parents and fathers believe in them. And say, like, nothing's impossible for you.

00:19:13:23 - 00:19:21:21
Matthew Krekeler
You can achieve whatever you want. And so that's what I want for my girls. And that's kind of the whole inspiration for the girls. Dad Nation podcast.

00:19:22:11 - 00:19:44:15
Brenden Guy
Yeah, that's beautifully said. Yeah, I love that. And you know, it's interesting that we we have to talk about that because in an ideal world, we wouldn't have to. I would just be a girl and a boy, at least the parents name and preparing them for the future would be the same, you know? But it's not. It's not, but it's good.

00:19:44:15 - 00:20:19:20
Brenden Guy
You know, I think there's a lot of this to this this generation and the next generation of parents. I think, is really going to I'm really positive about the way that kids are being brought up now. Not not to not to say anything bad about our parents and their parents before them. But it's just a different world that we live in and it's a different where the access to information that we have, the ability to talk to people as across the world as opposed to just the people down on street or in our village or neighborhood or whatever.

00:20:21:18 - 00:20:33:04
Brenden Guy
That's such a huge tool to us as parents and and a huge tool for us in in changing the way that we parent kids and preparing them for the future.

00:20:33:20 - 00:21:13:03
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, absolutely. Also one of my favorite TikTok videos that you've posted is yeah, I think it was an Instagram reel about you laying down or you taking your daughter. And I think you I'm trying to find it real quick, but you're like laying your daughter down for bed or like taking on the responsibility. And just kind of the commentary on that was people like applauding you or whatever for being a parent, for just doing like dad things and helping out your wife in those kind of simple ways.

00:21:13:21 - 00:21:44:15
Matthew Krekeler
But yeah, I love that commentary too. And the encouragement for dads as well to really step up, be a dad and, and, and the other thing too, and I've seen it on other dad channel is talk about this, get in there and change the diaper as well and do other kinds of things that maybe are traditionally seen as like more of the women's role in parenting and stuff.

00:21:45:06 - 00:22:17:05
Matthew Krekeler
But yeah, both from like, like what I hope my daughters will achieve and be encouraged by as they're growing up, but also to encourage other dads to see dads out there willing to make a fool of themselves like you've been on TikTok with makeup on and everything. And but it's like, yeah, it's embracing the fact that, like, you're there playing with your daughters and, and willing to really step up and all those kinds of ways.

00:22:17:20 - 00:22:35:20
Brenden Guy
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, I agree with with that outlook it because you know you can't or shouldn't pick and choose how to take care of your child. I mean, you you have to take care of them at all times, right? So you kind of step away and say, hey, you know, I can't change his diaper. I'm not going to change his diaper.

00:22:35:20 - 00:22:56:16
Brenden Guy
That's someone else's job. No. I mean, that's just part of taking care of a kid, you know, and playing with them. I mean, it if you don't want to wear makeup because it makes you feel less manly, it's like, well, okay, that's on you. But what about your kid? They're like, Do you want to make them happy? They love to do that stuff.

00:22:56:16 - 00:23:18:01
Brenden Guy
They're not thinking that Daddy is any less of a dad because he's messing around with Mommy's makeup with with his daughter. You know, as far as they can said they are having fun with their dad and that is really all that matters. So all of these other things, all of these extra things be put on top of that, like, you know, I understand where it comes from.

00:23:18:01 - 00:23:38:07
Brenden Guy
It comes it comes from the influences of the people around us. It comes from the influence of society and all those expectations of what what a what a man is supposed to be an act of what a man is supposed to act like that you know who came up with that stuff? You know, it's it's spousal. I'm concerned.

00:23:38:07 - 00:23:46:14
Brenden Guy
I think it's it's nonsense, really. You know, so first and foremost, we take care of our kid and we do what we can to make them happy.

00:23:48:03 - 00:24:12:10
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, absolutely. And then I know you and your wife recently moved, so I wanted to also just ask about that and our time together sense there might be parents out there kind of going through the same thing or considering a big life change like moving houses. Yeah. What was your experience like. Yeah. Since you just recently went through that.

00:24:13:07 - 00:24:36:22
Brenden Guy
Yeah, it was, it was tough. You know, we had a our first home that we bought three years ago that we were fortunate, fortunate enough to be able to buy and we loved it. But it just soon became very small once we had our second kids. So although we had planned to stay there for longer, that the need to move was was greater.

00:24:37:08 - 00:25:03:20
Brenden Guy
And so we started looking and when we eventually found a house that we were able to, to afford, we decided to just take the plunge. And I think the you know, aside from the actual physical difficulties with moving house with kids, you know, packing everything up, moving to the new place and then unpacking when you're there with Marshall, also still trying to parent, it's very, very tricky.

00:25:04:15 - 00:25:46:14
Brenden Guy
But there's also an emotional component which I created a video about on my social media accounts and it's I think, you know, everybody not everybody, but a lot of people tend to hold their homes close to their hearts. I think of moving is always difficult for everybody. You can get quite attached to places, but I think as a parent, it's even that that feeling is even more intensified, especially if it's if it's a home where you brought your child, you brought your child home from the hospital or or in our case, where we moved when she was six months old, it was a it was the place where we really went through a lot of

00:25:46:14 - 00:26:04:20
Brenden Guy
milestones and made a lot of memories and then brought her sister home. So it was very difficult from an emotional standpoint to to move home. And I think that's something that a lot of people don't realize. And it's certainly a lot of the comments have been like, I hadn't thought of that. You know, I hadn't thought about that at all.

00:26:04:23 - 00:26:22:12
Brenden Guy
And I kind of feel bad that they're now thinking about it and worrying about the feeling. But maybe it's better to be prepared than for it to blindside you. Because, you know, I got the chance to to look around the house when it was empty. And so you give it a proper goodbye, which I think is good closure.

00:26:23:01 - 00:26:38:02
Brenden Guy
And rather than just sort of packing up, getting out there as quickly as possible, settling down in new home and being like, Oh, I'm really sad now. I missed that house a lot, you know? So anyway, yeah, it's it's tough. I think it's tough on all counts.

00:26:39:12 - 00:27:09:15
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. Well, since you posted that, I was reflecting on that and there's a saying, a man's home is his castle. And then if you have daughters, I was like, Yeah, well then that means like, this is my princess Castle, too, for my daughters. And we recently just got back from a trip. We spent a couple of days in Nebraska with some family, and even though it was just a short trip, particularly my oldest really missed her bed and being home.

00:27:09:15 - 00:27:34:02
Matthew Krekeler
And she just kept on saying like, I want to go home. I want to go home. And even though like it wasn't a drastic move, we were like, Yeah, we're going to go home. It's just going to be like three more days and stuff. There is really that longing to be home and then, yeah, going through all of those memories together and even it doesn't matter even the size of your home and all of that kind of stuff.

00:27:35:18 - 00:28:03:09
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, like or if you live in an apartment or any other kind of living situation. Yeah. It's, it's wherever you are. Raising your family does have those attachments and memories and it's sweet to reflect on that, but also to know that the reality of having to move and transition, there's, there's something bigger than just that particular space that those memories live on in the people.

00:28:03:22 - 00:28:28:14
Matthew Krekeler
And then even if you have to do a major move as a family or as your kids get older, I've talked to several people on the show. Their kids are now in college or even older and talking about that big transition leaving the nest, which will eventually happen. But yeah, it's it's one of those things. It's like really hard to want to give that up.

00:28:28:18 - 00:28:32:19
Matthew Krekeler
But also recognizing like this is what you're preparing them for.

00:28:33:07 - 00:29:04:20
Brenden Guy
So yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, absolutely. And you know, as also as parents, I think you tend to or you can tend to project your feelings onto them, too. And I think that we were also taking out a lot of probably a fairly unnecessary weight of being concerned about how Ellie would take it. You know, she's so used to X, Y and Z and and when it's gone, you know, she's going to really struggle.

00:29:04:20 - 00:29:31:10
Brenden Guy
She will be sad. She can be upset. And of course, she hasn't been. I mean, she's struggle. You can you know, that she's struggled without being able to articulate it. You know, maybe more frequent tantrums, just sort of getting angry because she's just a bit out of sorts. But, you know, she's not sat down and crying and pining after the old house like we were possibly expecting her to.

00:29:33:06 - 00:29:57:15
Brenden Guy
So, you know, there's that side of things to projecting your feelings as parents onto your kids. But no, I completely agree. I think, you know, preparing them for these sorts of things as well as ourselves, you know, it's a good process to go through. And you're absolutely right, too, about the memories. I mean, you know, I I'm as you can tell from my channel, I'm a very sentimental person.

00:29:59:06 - 00:30:18:17
Brenden Guy
But at the same time, I do like you said, I recognize that the memories continue. You know, we are still a family, just in a different location. And then there's more memories to make. And that's that's the beauty of being a parent. Yeah.

00:30:19:10 - 00:30:42:11
Matthew Krekeler
Along with that too. I was just reminded of my grandparents just this year. They moved out of their home, which they've been in for over 40 years, to an assisted living place. And for us that was always the home that we would spend Christmas Eve at, and then we'd go and do like Christmas Day, like typically at our house and stuff.

00:30:42:12 - 00:31:10:21
Matthew Krekeler
But by Christmas Eve, even as far back as I remember growing up, that was always at my grandparents house and it was really hard to go there like that final time and like kind of look around and help them pack away all those things that were just so familiar and so constant. But my wife and I, yeah, just this past year we were talking about how things are going to look different.

00:31:10:21 - 00:31:45:18
Matthew Krekeler
And then now that we have our own kids, it's an opportunity now for us where we're talking about that possibility of hosting Christmas at our house and those new memories as our kids grow up. And yeah, it's it's sad to kind of move away from that, but at the same time, seeing it in the positive of all of those new opportunities and stuff, it's not necessarily that it's like worse than what we had, but just different.

00:31:46:16 - 00:32:07:04
Matthew Krekeler
And in some ways there will be other positives that my girls will know, kind of that feeling of having Santa come to their house and all that, all that kind of stuff and and kind of reestablish this sense of comfort and routine around what they know is familiar and, and being able to share that all with them.

00:32:07:19 - 00:32:10:06
Brenden Guy
Yeah, that's a great way of looking at it.

00:32:10:06 - 00:32:32:12
Matthew Krekeler
Now, I wanted to just ask, do you have any advice for new dads or dads with daughters? Yeah, it could be anything that you've learned along the way, and it sounds like you've been able to connect with some other people through social media, which I think is awesome. I think that's one of the great benefits of sort of this connected world.

00:32:33:09 - 00:32:39:13
Matthew Krekeler
For all the negatives. There are like those positives in the way that it's been able to connect people.

00:32:39:13 - 00:33:12:03
Brenden Guy
Yeah. Oh, boy. Well, you know, there's there's a lot that really is just so much there's so much about parenting that you learn and you want to share it with people. And it's nice to share it with people, but it's really hard to sort of pinpoint. You know, I feel like every day I'm learning something different and every day I'm failing something I already know how to do or should be able to react to in a certain way or anything like that.

00:33:12:14 - 00:33:46:08
Brenden Guy
And it's sort of just this, I guess it's just I guess I guess it's I guess what I would say is to embrace the chaos or rather maybe chaos is not the right word to embrace the ever changing life as a parent, because it's ever changing from the point of view of your kid who's growing up and learning how to be in the world and as an as a, you know, basically living in and adult as well, which is very, very difficult for them.

00:33:47:01 - 00:34:19:21
Brenden Guy
And, and there's a lot of expectation on kids that just sort of is is unfair. But also, just like as a as an individual, as a parent, you know, one day you'll be able to handle things in a very specific way. And the next day the same situation will arise. And based on your particular feelings that day, whether you got enough sleep, whether the work is stressing you out, whether know a number of things are affecting your mental well-being, you're not responding in the same way.

00:34:20:06 - 00:34:41:10
Brenden Guy
So I think, just like I said, embracing that ever changing life because the parent and trying, you know, honestly trying to just not trying not to beat yourself up too much about the things that you that you wish you'd done better. I think regret is is a good thing in moderation because it helps you strive to be a better parent.

00:34:41:17 - 00:35:07:18
Brenden Guy
But if you spend too like anything, you spend too much time in that regret, you lose focus on the present doing so. So that's that's a big part of it too. But yeah, it's it there's a lot there's that probably, you know, I mean, there are dozens of billions of books on being a parent. And, you know, as a parent today, you have access to all that information.

00:35:07:18 - 00:35:38:23
Brenden Guy
So we we can be really great parents. Whereas in the past our parents were great parents, but they only had access to information that they could glean from, you know, maybe the doctor or their own parents and, you know, maybe a book here or there. But like that was pretty much it. Yet now we have, you know, endless sources of information, which is great, but also overwhelming so that, like I said, that the expectation of being a great parent at all times is a lot to carry.

00:35:39:08 - 00:35:56:16
Brenden Guy
And and it's not going to solve every problem in every situation, every moment of every day. And sometimes it will and then sometimes it won't. So yeah. Coming back full circle. Embrace the ever changing life as a parent.

00:35:57:21 - 00:36:24:18
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, I think that's a great way of looking at it too. And yeah, you grew up in the U.K. and you have several videos about living in the U.S. and kind of those cultural shocks. When you moved here, I wanted to ask, do you have any thoughts on parenting styles or like, yeah, parenting norms from the U.K. versus the U.S.?

00:36:25:18 - 00:36:54:17
Brenden Guy
Yeah. It's funny you bring that up because I had a thought on my parents accounts, I would have done some kind of, you know, U.K. versus US differences in parenting. But I haven't most of them have just been general in a general generally living as a Brit in America. But it's a good question. And I honestly, you know, I was I've only been a in the U.S. So I feel like it might be more apparent to me.

00:36:55:08 - 00:37:21:20
Brenden Guy
But the difference is, if I spent a significant amount of time back in the U.K. with my kids, and I'm sure I'm sure things would come up. But I you know, I had a conversation with my wife about it earlier. And, you know, there's the obvious differences. I wouldn't you know, it's not really parenting styles, but things like maternity leave leave completely, completely different.

00:37:22:16 - 00:37:40:12
Brenden Guy
I've always been jealous of my brother and sister for the time that they were able to take off from work to be with their kids in those initial early months. I think that's probably the biggest one. That's the biggest one that comes to mind.

00:37:41:19 - 00:37:51:14
Matthew Krekeler
Is there a particular children's story you remember growing up like maybe a children's fairy tale or something that's like really big in the U.K.? In the U.K., but not here.

00:37:53:11 - 00:38:12:11
Brenden Guy
There's a book, actually, that my sister reminded me of the other day, and it's called I don't know if this I don't know if it made it. It didn't you know, it was sorry to the U.S.. I know it was definitely a U.K. storybook. It's called fungus. The boogeyman. Okay. It's about this. Well, I actually don't really I haven't read it in such a long time.

00:38:12:11 - 00:38:48:16
Brenden Guy
I just have such vivid memories of the book, pictures. I'd have to go back and reread it. It's just slightly, slightly older children. Not not for like know little, little kids, little toddlers necessarily. But that's one of them. Nothing, nothing else immediately springs to mind. But I'm sure there are some. Yeah, I know that obviously the hunt with I was there was one universe too like the there was a story about an owl clock the owl.

00:38:48:16 - 00:39:06:03
Brenden Guy
I keep bringing this up with my wife and I've been looking it up when I was in the order. It's called plop the Owl Who's Afraid of the Dog, which is a really cute story. It's not a picture. Oh, gosh, I think it is made into a picture book too. But I'll say it's good for kids that have a fear of the dark side.

00:39:06:21 - 00:39:16:07
Brenden Guy
Very cute story and one that I remember as a kid. So it must have made it must have made a big enough impression on me as a kid for, you know, for me to remember it now as an adult.

00:39:17:07 - 00:39:44:07
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, I just think it's really interesting. Like children's stories are sometimes like the first opportunity to inspire that imagination and different worlds and characters and also life lessons and stuff. So yeah, I was just curious. We read to our daughters every night and that's one of my daughter's favorite things is that story Time Before Bed and one that I remember as a kid was the little engine that could.

00:39:46:00 - 00:40:05:08
Matthew Krekeler
And reading it now as an adult, it's like, Wow, there's way more words than I remember. I, I just remember the I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. But then, yeah, when you're trying to get them to bed and you're like, we're just going to skip some pages like, it's already late, we'll read the abridged version.

00:40:05:08 - 00:40:31:07
Matthew Krekeler
But, but even that story is like, you know, you put your mind to something, it doesn't matter how small and you can get over that hell, but yeah, I think that that's such an interesting thing. And yes, it's also a side project that I hope eventually to be able to get around to writing a children's book from a dad of daughters perspective, like In Honor of My Girls.

00:40:31:18 - 00:40:34:04
Brenden Guy
That would be great. That's a great idea.

00:40:35:05 - 00:40:54:23
Matthew Krekeler
Thanks. So, yeah, in the final minutes, I wanted to ask you this and I ask all of my guests this. If you could speak directly to your daughters and yeah, maybe someday in the future they'll be listening to this. What would you tell them directly?

00:40:54:23 - 00:41:22:10
Brenden Guy
Wow, I if they're going to be listening in the future, someday, I got to get this right. I suppose it actually serves as a good segue into what I would want them to know is that I have been trying to be conscientious. Conscientious about telling them every day is that you can make mistakes and you can fail at things and that's okay.

00:41:23:08 - 00:42:04:11
Brenden Guy
And that we all do continuously tie lives until the day we are no longer on this earth. And it's how you respond to those moments that really define who you are and what path you take in life and how you treat other people and. It's something that I think that, you know, we look at our parents as kids and, you know, even up to yeah, I'd say even up to like the age of, you know, when you are in college, you think your parents are these perfect people that never set foot wrong and I think that's a beautiful way of looking at things.

00:42:05:03 - 00:42:31:17
Brenden Guy
But it's obviously not it's not the case. And I want I want mistakes and failure to be something that that they're okay with as as much as possible in their lives is never easy for some people or most people. All of us. It's not it's not easy for any of us, but it's necessary part of life and it's how we grow and and it's how they will continue to grow.

00:42:31:22 - 00:42:39:02
Brenden Guy
And yeah, I just hope that they will continue to embrace that.

00:42:39:02 - 00:43:03:02
Matthew Krekeler
That's great. I think that's such a great lesson to learn at any stage of life. And that's that's something to I try to model as hard as hard as it is to be an adult. But I try to model that with my kids too, to say like, yeah, like I'm, I'm really sorry. Like I am like, I'm going to use this as an opportunity to be better.

00:43:03:02 - 00:43:07:13
Matthew Krekeler
And that's, that's what I think all of us as parents hope for our kids.

00:43:07:13 - 00:43:27:01
Brenden Guy
Yeah, absolutely. I completely agree that, you know, and it could be as simple as, you know, I think it's easy for us to drop an egg and say, oh, silly, daddy, I made a mistake not to. I'll clean it up. But it's another thing to say, I'm really sorry for shouting at you. That was a mistake that I shouldn't shout at you.

00:43:27:01 - 00:43:52:22
Brenden Guy
You know, those are the kinds of mistakes that it's really hard to admit fault in and to verbalize it. Your kid, you know, and I think we are very we're very aware of doing that. You know, like I said, no parent is perfect. And I think how you respond to those moments is really important. Your kids, whether they're, you know, two, three years old or, you know, 22 and 23 years old.

00:43:53:09 - 00:44:06:15
Brenden Guy
Any point that you can apologize to your kid for for doing something that that you felt was wrong or could have been handled better is a great opportunity.

00:44:06:15 - 00:44:09:05
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for sharing that.

00:44:09:23 - 00:44:10:13
Brenden Guy
Absolutely.

00:44:11:22 - 00:44:15:10
Matthew Krekeler
Brennan It was awesome having you on the show. Thank you so much.

00:44:15:10 - 00:44:29:19
Brenden Guy
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I had a blast.

00:44:29:19 - 00:44:48:03
Matthew Krekeler
Thank you to Brenden Guy for sharing his journey and being part of Girl Dad Nation. Check out the links in the description for more of his content. I especially love sentimental videos about the joy and meaning of family life. If a TikTok could make you cry, there's a good chance one of his will for all the negatives about social media.

00:44:48:13 - 00:45:09:04
Matthew Krekeler
Sometimes you can find inspiring things and connect with people trying to make a positive difference. Thank you for joining with me. If you've enjoyed this podcast, please let me know by leaving a review on Apple Podcasts and sharing the show with a friend. Girl Dad Nation is on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. You can also email me at girldadnationpodcast@gmail.com.

00:45:09:21 - 00:45:12:05
Matthew Krekeler
There is no greater joy than being a dad.