From Pain to Purpose: A Father's Fight for Change (ft. Chris McGhee, Advocate)

**Transcript Auto-Generated**

00:00:00:08 - 00:00:13:23
Matthew Krekeler
The following episode has some more mature themes. We're going to be talking about sexual assault, so please listen with care.

00:00:19:12 - 00:00:42:09
Matthew Krekeler
Welcome to Girl Dad Nation. I started this podcast as a dad to daughters and to hear other dads of daughters tell their stories from many different backgrounds, many different ages. And so today's guest is Chris McGhee, and he has three daughters. His daughters are a little bit older, which I think is awesome. I love learning from veteran dads like him.

00:00:42:19 - 00:00:50:00
Matthew Krekeler
And he reached out to me because he had a powerful story he wanted to share. So, Chris, thank you so much for being here.

00:00:51:00 - 00:00:59:21
Chris McGhee
Well, Matthew, thank you for having me on the show. I'm happy to be here and and share my story with other dads.

00:01:01:11 - 00:01:19:00
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. Welcome to the podcast. And yeah, you're doing a lot recently. Tell me just a little bit about your background and yeah, just why. Yeah, you reached out to me for a very specific reason. So just share a little bit about your story.

00:01:19:18 - 00:02:16:00
Chris McGhee
Yeah. So as you've mentioned, I have three beautiful daughters, 26, 22 and 18. And I have a patch of gray hair now named after each one of them. And I love them dearly. But being a girl dad is is wonderful and it's challenging and I guess, I guess the story that I want to share with other dads is not exactly a terribly happy one, but it is something that dads, moms and dads and uncles and anyone that that has a special child in their life needs to be aware of.

00:02:17:06 - 00:03:08:15
Chris McGhee
When my youngest was 15 years old, she was sexually assaulted by a by a police officer here in York, Pennsylvania, back in 2021. And as as with most cases of sexual abuse, he he knew us. He was he groomed not just my daughter, but my wife and I to build our trust and to to let us know that he wanted to mentor our daughter and he wanted to help her and be a friend and eventually he betrayed that trust and he sexually assaulted her.

00:03:10:08 - 00:03:46:12
Chris McGhee
And, you know, I guess our story has a has a several different facets to it. And so the first part of the story is understanding that most of us grow up with this notion of, you know, you tell your kids to be wary of strangers. Right? This whole idea of stranger danger. And the simple truth of the matter is that most sexual assaults happen by someone that is known by the family.

00:03:47:01 - 00:04:34:21
Chris McGhee
And they they build that trust and and and they take advantage of that trust. So it's important for for dads to understand that the truth of the matter is you can't protect your child from everything. We press charges and he after a year and a half of working with the district attorney prosecuting the case, he he eventually pled guilty, received a plea deal to a misdemeanor charge where of corruption of a minor.

00:04:35:00 - 00:05:16:10
Chris McGhee
So in the state of Pennsylvania, he received a plea deal to corruption of a minor that he received no jail time. He received no mandatory registration on the national database of sexual offenders. He received 3 to 5 years of probation and at the at the sentencing and when I read my victim impact statement, you know, I had shared with the judge, you know, the the toll that this had taken on our family.

00:05:16:12 - 00:05:48:03
Chris McGhee
Right. So so when a child goes through sexual assault, it obviously impacts the child. Right. And they have been traumatized. And and it's it's not easy. Right. But there is also the trauma that the rest of the family feels and the guilt that my wife and I felt was was significant and in fact, actually, Matthew, depending on the day of the week, I still feel a lot of guilt.

00:05:48:09 - 00:06:20:02
Chris McGhee
Right? I mean, this was somebody that I trusted that I felt was going to be a good influence, positive influence on my daughter. And so I encouraged my daughter to to stay in touch with Officer Palmer and and, you know, to use him as a resource. And he betrayed that trust. And so I said during my impact statement that I failed, you know, as a as as fathers are, number one job is to protect our kids.

00:06:21:08 - 00:07:01:17
Chris McGhee
And it's hard for me not to to tell myself that I failed. And the judge had said to me, he said, Mr. McGee, I certainly understand why you would say that. But he said that that evil wears a mask. And he said, I had no way of knowing that he was going to do what he did. And while while I do agree with that and again, depending on the day of the week, I actually believe that.

00:07:01:17 - 00:07:28:01
Chris McGhee
But I also realize now that maybe there are some things that I should have been I should have been more mindful of. I should have been on the lookout for. And, you know, those are those are the things those are those are the behaviors of of someone who is grooming our children and to to take advantage of them and betray the trust.

00:07:28:13 - 00:08:00:10
Chris McGhee
So it I just I think it's important for for dads to understand that, you know, we want to protect our kids and we should protect our kids. I mean, that's our number one job, right? But, you know, at the end of the day, we're going to we're going to give them the tools as they're growing up to, to be independent, to be strong to to, you know, to to stand up for themselves.

00:08:01:04 - 00:08:28:17
Chris McGhee
And at the end of the day, there's there's going to be people that are going to be working against us. And so, you know, with it's it's a hard thing to reconcile. That's not everyone out there, as well intentioned or not, everyone out there is is you know, you're not going to do what's in the best interest of your child.

00:08:28:17 - 00:09:03:17
Chris McGhee
And and and so as as parents, all we can do is is try to equip them to to to be strong and independent and successful and and, you know, and if if things do happen, you know, that that we're there to support them and love them. And and and and continue to be a resource for them. Right. Because because no matter how old your daughter is, they're always going to be your little girl.

00:09:03:20 - 00:09:19:23
Chris McGhee
Right? And they're always going to be looking at you to be that strong, dad. That's going to help them. Even when things even when they find out that, you know, there are some pretty, pretty terrible people out in the world.

00:09:19:23 - 00:09:45:02
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. And my daughters, my oldest, just started kindergarten. And then I have a new preschooler now and it's a scary moment sometimes to just, you know, they're always under the protection of your home. And then when you send them off to a new place, just trusting the adults that are going to be caring for them and this the new kids that they're going to meet and everything.

00:09:45:16 - 00:10:10:18
Matthew Krekeler
And like right now, my oldest is only five and so their world is just now starting to open up. And I know it probably only gets harder as they go into high school and college. And then you know, they're kind of out of the nest. But that's what you're preparing them for. Like you, you're preparing them to be as equipped as possible, to be out on their own in the real world, too.

00:10:10:18 - 00:10:37:02
Matthew Krekeler
And yeah, there's real violence. There's there's real evil in the world. But at the same time, we can't shelter them. We have to we have to allow them to to be in the world and and equip them as best as possible so that they can not be afraid by it, but be able to live their life and to contribute to life and to enjoy those things, too.

00:10:37:02 - 00:11:10:03
Matthew Krekeler
Because as much as there's like bad in the world, there's also so many opportunities for good and grace and and part of that too is being able to deal with that. So you have the resources and the ability to overcome a lot of that, a lot of that trauma, a lot of that, those difficult experiences. But it's, I believe, a lot and it's like how we grow from those opportunities that will make us stronger.

00:11:10:23 - 00:11:39:07
Chris McGhee
Well, yeah. And, and, you know, it it it quite frankly, it sucks that we have to have this conversation. I mean, you're you're you're a little girl is five. It's like, oh, this is not something we should have to talk about. And but the sad truth of the matter is, yeah, unfortunately, we do, you know, we want to make sure that that our little girls are wearing their their helmet when they ride their bike and they got their seatbelt on.

00:11:39:07 - 00:12:07:15
Chris McGhee
And and, you know, they're they're doing all the things that they need to do. But we've also got to make sure that that they are aware that, you know, sometimes sometimes people out there are, as you said, you know, not not good people. And so we need to give them the tools so that they don't live in fear.

00:12:08:03 - 00:12:37:21
Chris McGhee
You know, we don't want our girls to grow up to be in fear of everyone. But we do want our girls to be vigilant, to have conversations with them about, you know, that is sometimes you're going to hear the all these wonderful things. And and but they're the the other person's behaviors are going to not be in alignment with the words that they use.

00:12:37:21 - 00:13:20:05
Chris McGhee
And and, you know, they they need to be clear on their boundaries. And, you know, what point do they say, okay, we're done here? And they they step away from whatever is going on. And that starts when they're five, starts when they're young. It starts to when when we are setting those, we're laying the foundation for these things to come later on because if we don't have these conversations now, you know, it's it's going to be a much more difficult conversation as they get older.

00:13:20:05 - 00:13:49:02
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah. Like that's something I try to be particularly aware of is the way that we talk about consent and and trustworthy people. And, and I really like this idea that I heard from another mom podcaster, but she talks to her daughters about it. I think she uses the word like sneaky people or tricky people. And one of the examples is Hawn's from the movie Frozen and with Young Girls.

00:13:49:02 - 00:14:14:20
Matthew Krekeler
I've seen that movie far too much to it that I'd want to admit. But there's there's a main character in that who, like, proposes to honor and and I hope this is not a spoiler to any girl dads. Most girl dads probably have also seen this movie 100 times, but he proposes and it's this grand celebration at the beginning of the movie and he seems like he is so helpful.

00:14:15:03 - 00:14:45:20
Matthew Krekeler
But then at the end you see that his intentions were not really true. He he becomes this evil character and he's using that as a way to gain power. And and so but I think it's a great lesson for, too, for parents to talk about sneaky people that they can put up, like seemingly good intentions and and yet like their true intentions are different.

00:14:46:10 - 00:15:11:05
Matthew Krekeler
And so I think it's good to to understand, like, how we can best prepare our girls and mixed picture as well like that. They're not in situations where they become vulnerable. And to have that circle, multiple friends that they're around, I always questions like as a young man like why girls always went in groups to the bathroom and stuff.

00:15:11:05 - 00:15:37:07
Matthew Krekeler
And I thought it was like kind of silly. It wasn't something like, but I was particularly like concerned about but like now as a dad, I'm like, okay, I get it. Like, yeah, any time I'm traveling with my, my, my daughters, they're by my girls are kind of at that point where they, they're like, okay, like they understand men's restrooms and women's restrooms and they know their bodies and they're like, Yeah, we're girls.

00:15:37:07 - 00:16:01:02
Matthew Krekeler
Like, we should go in the girl restroom. And when they're with mom, like, that makes sense. But when I'm with them by myself, I'm like, nope, like, like, this is a safe place. Like, like we're going with daddy on. And they're at that age where they're potty training and stuff too. So it makes sense where we aren't quite at that age, where they're, where they feel ashamed or anything like that.

00:16:01:02 - 00:16:25:12
Matthew Krekeler
Like I think as they get older there will be more of that independence. But I think like your primary role is to make sure that they're safe, that they're in an environment, that that they're protected. So that's just kind of what we do. I know I get that question a lot with other dads of daughters. It's like, how do you handle the bathroom situation?

00:16:25:12 - 00:16:47:09
Matthew Krekeler
And it's great when there's places like the library often has like the family restrooms, which is great because I can bring all of my girls there and I can still do diaper changes while the older ones are able to sit on the party and like we have that kind of protected family space. But yeah, being able to, to have trusted adults yeah.

00:16:47:12 - 00:17:09:17
Matthew Krekeler
In your life that I'm sure as my girls get older if I'm traveling with like other women that are trusted to be able to, to pass them off and be like, yep, daddy's right out here like once you're done, but make sure you're staying with this trusted adult. But yeah, it's just those things that we have to think about and unfortunately we have to be hyper vigilant about.

00:17:11:02 - 00:17:45:10
Chris McGhee
Yeah. And you know, you're working of such an important point that it's it's okay that there are there are differences, right? There are differences between boys and girls. And this is also the time where we can begin to start having conversations and and we are not bringing shame to our bodies. Right. Penis is not a dirty word. Vagina is not a dirty word.

00:17:46:04 - 00:18:16:19
Chris McGhee
But if we cannot use those words, what we're doing is we're starting to to to plant the seeds of shame so that as they get older, if someone if someone touches them inappropriately and you've come down on them because they are they are actually wanting to use the word vagina or penis because they're told that that's a bad word.

00:18:16:19 - 00:18:45:06
Chris McGhee
Are they going to be really quick to come to you when someone touches them inappropriately? So we lay the foundation for these things early on so that it's not a dirty thing. You know, there's different bathrooms because boys and girls have different body parts and they need privacy in these areas. Right. But as dads, you know, we're not always comfortable with that.

00:18:45:06 - 00:19:23:04
Chris McGhee
Right. And you know that. But it's not about us, right? It is not about how we feel. It's about setting our girls up to be strong, independent and and not to be shameful of their bodies of of their their their gender. That is, you know, they're there. Body parts are not dirty because you want to make sure that you are they're they're their first person.

00:19:23:04 - 00:19:49:20
Chris McGhee
They're going to when something isn't right and when someone is is pressuring them to and touching them inappropriately, they need to know that they can come to you and you're not going to be coming down on them like a ton of bricks because you're talking about stuff that makes you uncomfortable, right? It's not about us. It's about our girls.

00:19:50:01 - 00:20:02:15
Chris McGhee
Right. And boy, this is not comfortable. But you certainly don't want to be the last one to know about this, right?

00:20:03:05 - 00:20:40:17
Matthew Krekeler
Right. Yeah. I love that point, too, about like being able to educate and empower our girls without the just implication of shame that it's like these are biological components of us as humans. And, and to understand that we are made beautifully and that like, like we were made intentional here. And these things have like a beautiful nature in the way that we are designed and, and for an intended purpose.

00:20:40:17 - 00:21:33:04
Matthew Krekeler
And my, my daughters aren't at that age where we've had the sex talk yet. But I know, like pretty soon, like that's going to come sooner than later. I can't believe my oldest is already five. And we're starting to already talk about like body parts and things. But I know like when that happens, like I want to have just open, honest conversations and be able to create a safe space like free from shame, but also create an awareness of like the potential like risks and relationships and, and give them the full ability for autonomy to be able to like have those open conversations, talk about consent, talk about like appropriate behaviors, again, creating that environment

00:21:33:04 - 00:21:38:16
Matthew Krekeler
where they they don't feel shame to be able to come to mom and dad and and talk about those things.

00:21:40:10 - 00:22:13:18
Chris McGhee
That, you know. And if we fast forward, it's to to the the the day when they start dating and all you know how much how much fun that is. Right and and as dads, you know there's this this wonderful trope of, you know, we're in a we're going to greet the boy at the front door shotgun and and and scare him and all that stuff and here's the problem with that.

00:22:14:13 - 00:22:55:22
Chris McGhee
The problem with that is when things go wrong, when when there is a situation where maybe things are getting a little hot and heavy and the boy begins to or the girl begins to pressure, if you positioned yourself as this big, scary guy that's going to break his legs because he's taking your little girl out again, how quickly is she going to be coming to you?

00:22:57:00 - 00:23:30:13
Chris McGhee
Because he he touched her inappropriately. You know, how how how how freely is she going to how comfortable is she going to be coming to you and saying, Dad, I need some help? Something happened and and I don't feel comfortable with it, you know, but if, if you are playing into that trope of, of, you know, I got my shotgun out and all this stuff, you're, you're not helping and I admit that I did that, too.

00:23:30:13 - 00:23:59:07
Chris McGhee
You know, the first time my little girl went out on a date, you know, I have my chest out and I and, you know, tried to act like a tough guy. And and that's not helpful. You are you are actually placing your child into a tough position where if if maybe things start start out a little harmless and it she changes her mind or something like that.

00:23:59:07 - 00:24:28:17
Chris McGhee
And all of a sudden she's saying no and the other person is not listening. How quick is she going to be to come to you and ask for help? You know, we got to be mindful of this stuff. So one of the other things that that I did want to touch on about our story is, is because it involved the police officer.

00:24:30:05 - 00:25:06:16
Chris McGhee
It was picked up by the local media. And it it the newspaper. And fortunately, our names were not used because, you know, my daughter was a minor at that point. And I have since decided to to come out and and and use my name as an advocate and but at the time, our our names were not included. And so these articles would be posted and then everyone would comment.

00:25:06:16 - 00:25:51:18
Chris McGhee
And the the for the most part, people were were very supportive of what happened. And, and, you know, were were commenting about what a dirtbag this this officer was. But invariably, there would be comments about, well, if it was my daughter, he'd have a bullet in his head. And Matthew, I have to be very upfront with you. Early on, there were definitely some days where that that I'd be lying if I didn't admit that that crossed my mind and my wife had to talk me off the ledge.

00:25:53:09 - 00:26:28:04
Chris McGhee
And she reminded me that if I were to to do something, if I were to to, you know, get a gun and put a bullet in his head or something like that, that's not going to help my daughter. That's not going to help my family, because as traumatic as it had been, the truth of the matter is, we were just at the beginning, you know, we're were two, three years out from this thing.

00:26:28:22 - 00:26:57:18
Chris McGhee
And and we still have some some really tough days. And we're going to continue to. But if I had acted on my anger at the moment and done something that would not have been helpful. And here's here's the other part of it. The reality is, is that, you know, for everyone that is saying how, you know, if it was their daughter, they'd pull a bullet in this guy's head.

00:26:58:04 - 00:27:25:13
Chris McGhee
I understand that feeling. But the truth of the matter is, you're not in that situation. And and God forbid you ever find yourself actually in that situation. It sucks. I can tell you how badly it sucks. And and as you begin to play it through, you realize that it's it it's not it's not in your family's best interest.

00:27:26:08 - 00:27:44:12
Chris McGhee
And so it's really easy for us. It's kind of like the Monday morning quarterback, right? You know, if I was me, I would have thrown to the other receiver and we would have scored a touchdown. Well, it's really easy to say when you don't have some £300 dude, you know, coming through the line and trying to lay you out.

00:27:44:12 - 00:28:29:20
Chris McGhee
Right. I mean, it's when you're in that situation, all bets are off. And so as as dads, I guess it's one of those things where I say, you know, there but for the grace of God go I right. I'm I'm not in this position. I am I am grateful. I don't have I'm not in this position and I'm going to hug my kids a little bit tighter and, you know, maybe we're going to have another conversation about, you know, good touch and bad touch and, you know, setting boundaries and and and and whatnot.

00:28:30:04 - 00:29:04:14
Chris McGhee
So it's just it's as as dads, you know, again, we want to protect our kids, but it it is more than just at the moment. We've got to be thinking ahead. We've got to be thinking about what happens next. Because I can guarantee you, when your child is has been traumatized and has been assaulted, they are not able to look ahead.

00:29:04:19 - 00:29:40:20
Chris McGhee
They are at the moment, their their entire world is in chaos. Nothing is making sense. And they are looking to you to to ground them, to to to say everything's okay. We're going to get through this and and to be that support system. And you can't do that if you are having to deal with your own assault charges because you decided to exact your own vengeance.

00:29:40:20 - 00:30:09:11
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, absolutely. I really appreciate you saying that, because I just sympathize with all of the emotions, especially like seeking justice and watching the person that hurt her daughter walk free and and everything that you're dealing with after the fact. But yeah, but just like violence, violence just brings more violence. And and it just brings more pain and hurt.

00:30:10:00 - 00:30:30:11
Matthew Krekeler
But I wanted to ask now, looking at the timeline, I think I read 2021 was when the assault happened, and it's been a few years since then. Could you speak to just what that healing process has been for both you and your family and then now your daughter?

00:30:31:02 - 00:31:10:07
Chris McGhee
Yeah, so so here is a thing I want to be really clear. Boy, I was pissed. I am still pissed. Okay, so, so I'm. I'm not going to try to pretend that I'm sitting around, you know, doing some yoga and saying, you know, it's all good and and all that stuff. I'm pissed. I'm pissed at what this guy did, but I'm also pissed about the system and how they let my daughter down, how they let my family down, how they the laws.

00:31:11:10 - 00:31:40:09
Chris McGhee
Let's survive hours of sexual assault down. So as I mentioned earlier, in Pennsylvania, police officers are not held to a higher standard. If you or I had done what this guy did, we would have gotten we could potentially get the same plea deal that he received as a police officer. We hold our officers in higher regard, as we should.

00:31:41:20 - 00:32:09:21
Chris McGhee
If you hit a police officer, you're looking at a felony boom and a story. As a result, if we are holding our officers to a higher level, to a higher standard, they also need to be held accountable for their behaviors. He used his position. He used his authority. He actually threatened my daughter, said, you know, just to remind you, I'm a cop and nobody's going to believe you.

00:32:10:22 - 00:32:42:15
Chris McGhee
And he held that over her head and he said, you know, I actually I could if you say anything, I can make your life pretty miserable and nobody's going to believe you. Right. So he used his position and and he used his position against my daughter. And and so when he received this misdemeanor charge, I was floored. I was absolutely floored.

00:32:43:07 - 00:33:14:12
Chris McGhee
And watching him walk out of the courtroom that day as a free man was was it it was one of those moments when one time just kind of stood still and actually right after the the hearing, another police officer from York from the York Police Department approached me and he told me how sorry he was for what happened.

00:33:15:03 - 00:33:50:18
Chris McGhee
And he said, you know, if you're as angry as I am and I know you are, he said, you ought to consider changing the law that allowed this to happen. I thought, you know what? You're you're right. I hadn't even thought about that. So I did some research and I called up my local legislator and I asked for a meeting and I laid out some some news articles from within the state of Pennsylvania where police officers had received similar charges for similar crime forms.

00:33:52:08 - 00:34:33:12
Chris McGhee
And I said, look, I don't know what needs to happen, but this ain't right and something needs to happen. So my legislator, Representative Joe Dorsey, went to back to his caucus and he and did research and and he introduced HB 1847 and what eight HB 1847 does is it's it upgrades the charge of corruption of a minor of a sexual nature by a police officer to a felony.

00:34:33:12 - 00:35:09:19
Chris McGhee
And it upgrades the sentencing guidelines up to seven years of prison. So I am currently working my daughter and I are currently working within the house of Representatives here in Pennsylvania to get this bill passed and my daughter has has gone well, continues to go to therapy. I go to therapy. My film, my wife goes to therapy because we need to deal with what has happened.

00:35:10:11 - 00:35:37:03
Chris McGhee
But a great way to deal with trauma is to be of service. Look, HB 1847 is is not going to help us. It's not going to change anything for us. He has received the charge. He's received his his sentence. And that's the end of it. But another family I don't want another family, another survivor, to have to watch this dirtbag walk out of the courtroom is a free person.

00:35:38:00 - 00:36:14:09
Chris McGhee
And so we are working to to change the law to help those people. And so that's that's been really healing for us to be of service to others, to share our story. We were included in a recent article in the Washington Post Abused by the Badge. I appeared on a number of other podcasts. I've I speak in front of parents groups at churches and peatos all.

00:36:14:12 - 00:36:49:13
Chris McGhee
I'll be speaking at an upcoming Georgetown Day school summit for consent because I want to help other parents through this you yeah to be aware of this and so that's been really healing for us right. It's and that looks different for everyone. Again I'm pissed and and and being pissed is okay. I will never tell a father. Don't be pissed, you know.

00:36:49:13 - 00:37:20:11
Chris McGhee
You know. No, no, no, no. You should be pissed. But it's, it's what we do with anger, right? It's, it's how we channel that. We want to do something constructive. We want to. We want to, you know, we want to change the laws. We want to we want to advocate. We want to find resources, whatever that is. You don't necessarily have to go changing laws to show your support for your child or a loved one who has been through this.

00:37:20:11 - 00:37:46:06
Chris McGhee
But you do have a responsibility to to show your support. And that support is going to look different for every single person. For me, it's it's it's it's been advocacy and and that's been really helpful. Look, I still have some days where, you know, I ain't so good, you know, and there are some days where, you know, I'm I'm just kind of pissed at the world.

00:37:46:20 - 00:38:13:18
Chris McGhee
I'm and I expect I'm going to continue to have those. But, you know, I fortunately, I have more days where I'm like, you know, we're going to we're going to take this situation. We're going to turn it into something positive to help somebody else so that somebody else is either doesn't have to go through it or knows that they're not alone.

00:38:14:23 - 00:38:17:19
Chris McGhee
Yeah. And, and that's what we want to do.

00:38:19:15 - 00:39:04:01
Matthew Krekeler
Well, Chris, I really admire that response. And I think, as you mentioned, like, there could be many number of responses. And I think like an anger, like one of the first responses could be like revenge. And what I love is that like you, you are leading by example. You are being like in many ways like the bigger man in this and and the father that your daughters are looking to, the present father that is fighting for them, not just fighting against this perpetrator, but like you are choosing the path of change and not just revenge, like revenge temporarily.

00:39:04:06 - 00:39:43:00
Matthew Krekeler
Well, maybe satisfying your like. Yeah, initial, initial rage. But what I love is that you recognize that your story, although it's it's that of pain, your story can be the catalyst for change. So that, as you said, many, many other people will not have to go through the same trauma that your family has has endured. And and I admire you for stepping up and and your daughter for being able to be a part of this and and to advocate for other people.

00:39:43:18 - 00:40:19:19
Matthew Krekeler
And you're all on your own individual journeys. But together as a family, I hope that, like, it makes your relationship stronger. I hope that like people listening to this, it will strengthen their relationships and and help others. Other dads that see this cause really fight for the lives to be able to protect their families in the future. And yeah, hopefully, like, I really hope that the legislature like can step up in ways that it's currently failing a lot of people by it.

00:40:20:13 - 00:40:26:01
Matthew Krekeler
But I love that like you're you're part of that change. So thank you so much for sharing that.

00:40:27:10 - 00:40:49:17
Chris McGhee
Well, Matthew, I appreciate the opportunity to share our story. You know, like I said, it's it's not a happy story. This is a club that I never would have wanted to be part of. But here I am and it is it's not a comfortable conversation. But but we've got to have these these talks. Yes, we've got to do it.

00:40:49:17 - 00:41:13:10
Chris McGhee
And, you know, I'm going to I'm going to keep fighting. I'm going to keep being a pain in the ass to to the people that should be doing their jobs and the state capitol and and when the when the bill passes, we're going to look at the next law, and we're going to we're going to keep we're going to keep fighting because it's the right thing to do.

00:41:13:13 - 00:41:20:03
Chris McGhee
And, you know, we want to like you said, we want to be the change that we want to see in the world. So.

00:41:20:17 - 00:41:48:07
Matthew Krekeler
Yeah, yeah. Thank you. So I wanted to go back just quickly to a point that you made just about like being the one that your daughter could go to and being that father. And and I hear this a lot when when people find out that I have daughters and we just found out on that we're having our fourth girl, which we're super excited about.

00:41:48:15 - 00:41:51:00
Chris McGhee
So congratulations.

00:41:51:12 - 00:42:51:11
Matthew Krekeler
We're going to have a fourth in November. And and the comment that I often get is, oh, man, like you need another shotgun. And that kind of response which which you to. And it just it saddens me that the approach to having girls is often that of like the world is bad and as dads we have to protect them from the world and and I just that response kind of makes me cringe because and you you of all people like, you know, personally, just the pain that that can be caused to to your girl and and yet, like, I hate that that's sort of the initial response to any dad that has has daughters is

00:42:51:11 - 00:43:29:00
Matthew Krekeler
that we need to teach them that the world is evil and to fear all men and to like not really prepare them for relationship shifts and the complexity of relationships. But but to just like the first response is that like in a very violent sort of way against boyfriends and, and other things. And so that made me think of this personal story that I just wanted to share briefly, but I was very blessed that my father in law did not have that approach.

00:43:29:00 - 00:43:52:00
Matthew Krekeler
When I when I first came over to my my girlfriend, now my wife's house, but I was not met with the shotgun. And I'm sure it was like a new thing since my wife is the oldest of six. And so like in many ways, I was like the first boyfriend to come over to the house. And I'm sure there is like some awkwardness and tension and things.

00:43:52:00 - 00:43:53:00
Chris McGhee
I'm sure. Yeah.

00:43:53:19 - 00:44:18:12
Matthew Krekeler
But but it wasn't. It wasn't that of. Well, let me show you my gun and that intimidation sort of thing. I think I was just naturally intimidated because I was just a young teenager. I was 16 and going to this girl's parents house, meeting the parents and stuff. But I'm so I'm so grateful for the relationship that I have with my father in law.

00:44:18:23 - 00:44:51:21
Matthew Krekeler
And one particular moment, my wife and I went long distance in college, and that was super hard. And communication was a huge thing because we had to constantly be texting and calling to be able to maintain the relationship. But I was a state away and when my wife and I, while we were dating at the time, but there is a time where like we had gotten into this fight and it was easy in a way, because we were a long distance to just not have communication.

00:44:51:21 - 00:45:28:01
Matthew Krekeler
So she just was not returning my calls or anything. And I knew that I had really hurt her and, and to be honest, like, I don't really remember like the extent of the fight. And probably it was like fairly petty, like for why like I was angry at her about it and then back and forth and it wasn't to the extent of violence or anything like that, but I still felt like super sad that I had hurt that relationship.

00:45:28:14 - 00:45:53:06
Matthew Krekeler
And so I actually went to her father and I called him from college and said, Look, like I got in a fight with your daughter, like, here's what I did. And and I was like, I don't think I think there is a miscommunication. I didn't mean to hurt her, but I deeply care about her. And you have loved her all these years.

00:45:53:06 - 00:46:31:01
Matthew Krekeler
Like you know her as well as anyone and man to man. Like, I love her and I want to be able to mend this relationship and that it was super hard for me to like make that phone call, but I felt the trust in the relationship enough that like he was the person that like I went to and then like, fortunately, like, like he he really received that super well, which I'm super grateful for.

00:46:31:11 - 00:47:09:15
Matthew Krekeler
And he had a talk with her. And then she called me a couple of hours later and her and I were able to just talk about things and mend the relationship. But I wanted to be honest with him and I felt super bad and like I knew that I hurt his little girl. And so as a father now, like my perception of that of that moment and knowing what I went through, like as a young man dating, like how much I would want that kind of relationship with any of the men that my daughters will end up dating and eventually marrying.

00:47:09:15 - 00:47:49:02
Matthew Krekeler
And I did marry my girlfriend. And so my wife and I have been married now for eight years. And so that relationship, like having him walk her down the aisle when we got married, it just it felt so right because like everything that he was preparing her for, I just felt so honored that he was the one to, like, passer off to me and the responsibility now as a husband to care for her, protect her and love her in the way that all fathers hopefully want to do for their daughters.

00:47:49:02 - 00:48:12:20
Chris McGhee
Something you just said, he he had been preparing his daughter. Right. He and he had been showing her this is what a loving, respectful relationship looks like. This is what you should be expecting from the man in your life. But what's really important to know here is he was also preparing you. He was you didn't just one day decide, well, you know, I screwed up.

00:48:12:20 - 00:48:49:23
Chris McGhee
So I'm going to go ahead and contact my girlfriend's dad. You did that because you felt safe, because he had done all of the right things. And so when our daughters are dating a young man or young woman, we we what is the behavior that we want to put out there for them? Do we want that young person to feel comfortable enough, come to us and say, okay, I really screwed up here.

00:48:50:19 - 00:49:33:14
Chris McGhee
Can can you give me some some advice? And so, yeah, but, but, boy, that's hard to do if you you start things off with you showing up at the front door with a shotgun and you're you're taking that intimidation approach. Yeah, it's funny. It's cute. Ha ha ha. But kind of short sighted. And and he certainly would not you as a young man dating his daughter, you would not have been able you most likely would not have felt comfortable going down and saying, hey, I screwed up here.

00:49:34:11 - 00:49:59:03
Chris McGhee
How how can I make things right? You know, but that's you know, it's a dad are responsible for that. You're you we've got a model of behavior that we're looking for these these young people, too. What we want to see in them. Right. We've got to we've got to be the ones to go first. We have to model that.

00:49:59:03 - 00:50:11:17
Chris McGhee
I can't expect my my daughters to to be strong and speak up for themselves. If I'm not willing to do the same and do it in a respectful manner. I so good on you. Yeah, well, absolutely.

00:50:12:03 - 00:50:35:16
Matthew Krekeler
Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's a story that's. That stuck with me. And I'm so grateful for that opportunity. Now, like, we still have a really good relationship and it's really cool to like, now that he's a grandpa to my kids like that, it's like to be able to share those joys and like, know that that love, like, extends to his daughter and now his grandkids.

00:50:35:16 - 00:50:53:07
Matthew Krekeler
And it's like, okay, we are like, here's you've entrusted your daughter to me. And, and in some ways like now it's like I'm both a husband to his daughter, but also like responsible for his grandkids, too. And yeah.

00:50:53:17 - 00:50:55:04
Chris McGhee
Yeah, you're that, you're that.

00:50:55:04 - 00:50:59:22
Matthew Krekeler
It's like that's the blessing. Yeah, that's come through all that trust and everything. So.

00:51:00:09 - 00:51:02:07
Chris McGhee
Yeah. Good on you. That's awesome.

00:51:03:04 - 00:51:29:06
Matthew Krekeler
But, Chris, I know we're almost out of time, so I just thank you so much for sharing your story. I thank you for being an advocate, for speaking up, for being that present, father. And I hope that, like your story will continue to inspire others and be able to make change. But I want to give you an opportunity before we sign off to just give a direct message to your daughters.

00:51:29:17 - 00:51:39:12
Matthew Krekeler
I pretend like I'm not here, but I love to end these episodes. Just dad to your daughters, what do you want to say to them?

00:51:41:12 - 00:52:22:02
Chris McGhee
You know, here's the one thing that just makes me crazy when they do this. Do not apologize for everything, right? We apologize when we drop the ball, when we make a mistake. But do not apologize because you're asking the barista at Starbucks to to re makes her drink because it's incorrect right. That you can say it with with respect and you can ask nicely but but don't apologize for everything.

00:52:22:20 - 00:53:05:07
Chris McGhee
Right? Don't you? It's okay to say pardon me, excuse me, can you help me out here or something like that. But. But you do not need to apologize for everything that happens. That you need to call something out for it. Be strong. Do not be apologetic for being you, for for having your boundaries. And, and I guess see the, the only other thing that I would say to my girls and I say this to them pretty much every time they leave the house is don't be a knucklehead and and and make good decisions.

00:53:05:07 - 00:53:15:21
Chris McGhee
So which is I think I think what we we all strive for as as human beings. Right.

00:53:15:21 - 00:53:46:05
Matthew Krekeler
Thank you. Thanks, Chris. And I want to thank all of my audience at Girl Dad Nation. Thank you for listening to these episodes. If this episode has had an impact on you, please share it with a friend like and subscribe and drop review the reviews really help me to get the word out. And yeah, if you have a story to share, you can reach me at Girl Dad Nation on the social media platforms and also GirlDadNationPodcast@gmail.com

00:53:46:18 - 00:53:51:13
Matthew Krekeler
And then Chris, please tell me where people can reach you.

00:53:52:18 - 00:54:30:01
Chris McGhee
Yeah, I, I've got a website and so you can find me at www.ChrisMcGhee.com It's just Chris and McGhee you know if you just want to learn more about, about, you know, identifying how to identify grooming behavior or learn a little bit more about the fight to change the law or, you know, if you find yourself in a similar situation and you just need, you need to talk to another parent.

00:54:31:16 - 00:54:39:13
Chris McGhee
Yeah. I encourage you to reach out. You are not alone in this. Reach out, find your community.

00:54:40:17 - 00:55:04:22
Matthew Krekeler
Awesome. And then I'll put those links to the resources in the description as well for easy access. But thank you again. Thank you for showing up for your daughters. And until next time, go be a dad.